Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Reasons To Hate Spiderman (And Spiderman Toys)

So on Friday I got myself a Happy Meal. Just look at that, it's rare you
take a picture of your Micky D's and have it ACTUALLY look good.
So just look at that for a minute.
(Apple slices not pictured, as they angered me so much
I didn't even take them out the bag)

Okay, that's enough staring, boys and girls.  As we all know the best(ish) part of a Happy Meal is the toy. I received a Spiderman toy! .....I do not like Spiderman. I have done many posts on this but we'll not go into that right now*.

Here he is in all his glory...

He's like one of those dreidels. Spins about like a maniac. My question is: How the HELL does that help him defeat his enemies??!! Surely that would hinder the whole process. We all know Batman is the greatest super hero of all. Now let me ask you...have you ever...EVEN ONCE...seen Batman spin around in circles? I think not. And I think I've made my point here.

...One would think that's where the story ends. But alas! You would be incorrect mon freres and soeurs. (ma soeurs??) Anyway, that night, I brought Spidey boy home with me...and as I went to shower, there was a spider in the bath!!!

I thought nothing of it. As would be normal.

But then...2 nights later. I'm in bed, "hmm...somethings tickling my arm..must be my hair", at this point I remember I had put my hair UP. But thought nothing of it.

...9 seconds later, another tickle. "Hmm, that's weird, let me scratch it" As I move my hand to scratch my upper arm (you know, where my huge muscles are) I turn my head and simultaenously JUMP OUT OF THE BED.......BACKWARDS!

A black spider was crawling up my arm. MY NAKED ARM. Eeeeeuuuuccchhhh!! (Scottish term, that is)

Both of these times, my lovely husband came to the rescue. He's so lovely. He kills for me, you know. It's like Goodfellas, but with spiders.

Anyhoo, getting to the point. After all these incidents, for a few days I had been noticing a spider in the corner of the bathroom. But I didn't want to keep looking like a sissy. So I said nothing. "I don't need to go into that corner anyway, you can have it, Mr Spider! It's all yours!"

And then today, husband goes to the bathroom, comes back, grabs a lighter, says "There's a black widow in there". The same spider I'd been seeing all those days!!! I shoulda just screamed like with all the other spiders! But oh no, I didn't want to be a sissy.

Jeez oh. I give ONE spider ONE chance ONE time in all my life!!! And this is what happens. NEVER AGAIN! Freakin' spiders.

So in conclusion, I blame that Spiderman toy. He was luring all his friends into my flat. He is in the bin now.

*Amazing Spiderman Review


Leonnie McKillop said...

Black widow? For realz?? America is too dangerous for you, sun, crocodiles, McDonalds on delivery... now poisonous spiders???

Laura D said...

Yep! The sun being my most formidable foe at the moment. Big hats and big sunglasses to the rescue!