Sunday, August 07, 2016

The New Lion King

I was recently treated to a live reenactment of The Lion King. Starring Brutus and Arnie!

Kittens are fun.

Wednesday, August 03, 2016

RIP Minnie

Minnie the Kitten

My little princess fought hard.

She spent her last moments in my arms, lifting her tiny shaking head and letting out some final, quiet, croaking meows before lowering her head and taking one more breath. ...a few heartbeats later and she was gone.

I cut up one of my cardigans to create a soft pillow for her to lie on. Covered it in a red satin sheet. And placed it (and her) in a metal box.

The box reads,
"All dressed up for dreaming"

A rose upon her grave.

As we buried her I played this exact version of Everybody Wants To Be A Cat on my phone...

Cali then visited her girl...

Monday, July 25, 2016

"Star Trek Beyond" Review


This is a movie about spacemen. Things happen with the spacemen. Then the spacemen do things.

I like this movie. I give it 3 bourbon creams and a black jelly baby!

Okay, I'm off to experience bij.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

From the Bud and D Vault: Laura D's Report Card

I've been going through many of my notebooks of late. I came across one page that Bud wrote to me and thought I'd share...

No.19        Date 17.10.11

Laura shows promise in skills such as
  • Monkeying around
  • Voice impressions
  • Stealing crisps (particularly S + Vinegar)
  • Swearing
  • Chewing + talking (simultaneous)
  • Reading lists
In these regards Laura is a good pupil.

Well done!

(Then he drew a smiley face and tick)

If You Point A Camera At Me, I Will End Up Doing Something Weird

Yes. I am sucking the rabbit's brains out with a crazy straw.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

The Independence Day Kitten Photoshoot (And Controversy?)

I was going to post this last one to Twitter then realized the kittens had self-segregated and were making some sort of socio-political statement. I thought best they shouldn't start a Twitter Storm at just 7 days old.

Friday, July 01, 2016

The Whole Kitten Caboodle

So we had a little event in the early hours of Monday morning. 1.30am to be specific!

I was awakened by a punch in the eye from Cali the cat. "Ouch! Get off, you." This was followed by the "lion killing an antelope" move, teeth straight into my throat! I suddenly realize what's happening, it's time for that now basketball sized belly to pop. So I Michael Jordan it the hell out of bed (I don't know enough about basketball to make a proper analogy so just accept that sentence).

We sit for about 20 minutes together at the top of the stairs, ever wondered what a cat having contractions looks like? Well here you go...

Much what I imagine a human having contractions looks like, with less susceptability for meme-ing.

We eventually head downstairs and (I'll spare you all the gory details and pics) yada, yada, yada, 5 kittens!!

Okay, one gory(ish) pic...

Slimey kittens!

It took 4 hours in total then all 7 of us collapsed. Til the mewwwwing awoke us.

Now enjoy some adorable kitten pics!

Individual posts about each kitten coming to a blog near you!

Well it's coming to my blog.

At some point. 

Stop hassling me!

Monday, June 27, 2016

The Comet Festival!

So on my way to pick up some cat litter (more on that little nugget tomorrow, oh the excitement! Hold that excitement lest you need some cat litter of your own...don't poop your pants! what I'm saying. I think. ...I'm off track. Let's restart this post...)

So on my way to pick up some cat litter, I stopped of at the Comet Festival. Oh the excitement! Don't poop your pants.

"Fun fair" is a bit of a stretch, though I'm sure they were having fun in the beer tent. ...which is fair enough. I guess it is a fun fair then.

One of the rides, or a ghost house maybe. Anyway I was very fond of the pirate flags atop so I took it's picture.

A giant Mickey Mouse inflatable slide! Mickey always seems to show up at these things. You'd think he'd be too much of a big shot, but there he is, sitting up on high, looking down on all, like the fat cat he is. ...Or big cheese, if you will.

Kid with a super cool Hello Kitty balloon!! I was so jealous I went on a mission to, per chance, purchase one of my own. Turns out it was out of my price range: £3.50. Eff off! I don't have that kind of money! So for £1 I got the toughest, roughest, baddest mofo glitter tattoo they had.

That's right, a disembodied My Little Pony head. You just try not to have that haunt your dreams!!
And then it rained, no, THUNDERSTORMED on my walk home.

But we can't end a blogpost on such a note, so here is a very pretty, if soaked rose in my garden.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Random Things I Find Interesting - Food Edition

...or RTIFI! hmm, maybe not, that's hard to say and sounds too much like Rafiki. Onto the bullet points!
  • The utter outrage I felt upon learning that they changed the name of Micro Chips:

  • When 2 tic tacs become stuck:
 Look at those little scamps!

  • Being a lettuce farmer for Hamilton:
 Mmm, fresh as the day it was hoarded.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

The Bonkers Brexit Bulletin

I'm sure we've all been receiving these EU in/out leaflets in the post. Yesterday my brother and I recieved one each from the same group. And yet they were different. We were targeted in very different manners. I thought I'd share it with you all. (Keeping in mind we live at the same address and are basically the same age, the only variant is male/female)

Here's the leaflet my brother got:

The front.
(Address is above, I've cut that out.
Don't need this "Marty Lewis" comin' to ma hoose seekin' revenge)

A collection of quotes from experts and celebrity types.

The back.
Some good, positive reasons to stay in the EU.

The fold-out poster.
Again, lovely and positive.

Now onto what they sent me...

Unless they meant future is steak? That'd be okay with me.
Also notice how they've printed my name in big letters.
To really get my attention. This leaflet is just for me! Yay!

The back.
Freaky weirdo face.
Farage is gonna speak for me, nooooo!
He's gonna be Ursula and steal my voice :(

The fold-out poster.

....and that's it.
No other info for me. No quotes. No nothin'.

Far be it for me to insinuate that this is sexist, what with the facts and reasoned arguments for my brother and the scare tactics and negative campaigning for me. For all I know they are just well aware of who I am, anxiety disorder et al. and are taking advantage of that. (Like how I used et al there? Am posh noo)

Anyway, full disclosure: I'm voting to remain. And not because of these leaflets, though my hamster thanks the group for the extra bedding.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Random Things I Find Interesting

  • The high percentage of smokers that are ALWAYS in the big brother house. It's way higher than the general public. What's going on there?! Maybe so they can punish them by taking away the cigarettes? Who the fork knows.
  • When a protestor interrupts a Donald Trump rally, he routinely says "They're professional agitators". Mr Trump, I think YOU'RE the professional agitator.
  • Black Jelly Babies. They are the tastiest! Like I've always said, once you go black jelly baby you don't go back jelly baby.
  • Hayfeves. That's my cool new word for hayfever. Aw man av got the hayfeves. Full blast. (Full blast is also my cool new phrase.)
  • If they had let me join the army when I first applied I'd be a Lieutenant Colonel by now. Lieutenant Colonel Laura D. ...sounds good to me!
  • The best part of that "Ring My Bell" song is how it goes on and on about the bell. You can ring my bell. Ring my bell. My bell. Ring my bell.

Thursday, June 09, 2016

The Birthday Roundup!

A week since turning 29, here is a (rhyming) photo essay of my birthday. Enjoy!

Feeling cool as Fred Astaire
This new top hat I'll wear
Like the call from a bugle
There's a birthday wish from Google

Breakfast: hyper inducing,
Let's eat that giant cupcake
Then some trick shots and no mistake

Not hyper enough?

 How 'bout a Dolce Gusto coffee pod?
It's like drinking satin,
Then we'll sing like Princess Jasmine

Or like Princess Ariel
But like a princess for sure.
I don't care if you're a man,
You're not getting to be Peter Pan
You're a princess

And a wonderful present
I must say
Cause it's practically perfect in every way

The sun is shining
And I feel debonair
Cause today I am cool
Like Mr Fred Astaire