Monday, May 27, 2013

The Dream Poem

I had a dream last night, everyone kept going on and on about this kid who won a poetry contest. They kept saying it's the best poem they've ever read. After much wondering, at the end of the dream I got to see it. It was engraved on this black piece of, I dunno, thing. And this was it...

"Camel identity
Worth ink"

Now if anyone can figure out what the hell that means, I would be more than interested to know!

Speaking of which, why do poems have to be so cryptic? Why can't you just have a good old fashioned poem where you don't need to crack a code? Like, oh I don't know....this one I just wrote...

Buttocks, buttocks
They're so great
Sat on by a buttock
That's my fate

This poem represents my premonition of dying by accidentally being sat on by a fat person.

Also, poets should have to explain their poems. The way I just did. Cause I'm cool.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Discovery Channel Statistics

Discovery Channel! What do you think of when I say that? Alaska? Guns and explosions? Cars? Me too! So I did some research and calculating this morning and here's what I found:

Taking the Discovery Channel schedule from this week, between the hours of 3pm to midnight there are 69 tv slots...

Of those 69 tv slots:
  • 19 shows are about guns or explosions (or both)
  • 8 are about cars
  • And a whopping 34 are about Alaska!
Only 8 time slots are leftover for anything else, and they filled it with only 2 shows that just repeat again and again.

My conclusion? If you want to pitch a tv show to Discovery, I suggest calling it "Exploding Wild Alaska's Cars"

...and give me a credit cause I deserve credit!!!

Sunday, May 05, 2013


There are 2 spiders in the bathroom, I swear they are ganging up on me to keep me out of there. This means only one thing! I have to find my husband, explain the situation and force him to build me a new bathroom.

Get on that!

Thursday, May 02, 2013

"How to Get Hyper" A Poem in 3 Languages (by Laura D)

Give me some coffee
And possibly a toffee
Add some sugar, 3 spoons
And we'll watch some cartoons

Dinner we can skip
Just have a long sip
of Red Bull that's cool
That can be our fuel!

Chew some glucose tablets
And someone grab that atlas
We're going on a trip!
But not on a cruise ship

Alright, now it's time
To act like a mime
We're not thinking straight
I'm Alexander the Great

Geez sum coffee
An probly a toffee
Put sugar in it, 3 spoons ay it
En we kin watch sum cartoons

Tea we kin skip
Jist hiv a big sip
a Red Bull ats cool
At'll be oor fuel

Chew on sum glucose tablits
An sumbdy geez at atlas
We're goin on a trip
Bit naw on a crooz ship

Awrite, noo it's time
Tay act lik a mime
We're naw hinkin straight
Am Alexander ay Great

Gimme some coffee
And possibly a toffee
Add some sugar, 3 spoons, nahmeean?
And we'll peep some cartoons, biaaatch!

Dinner we can skip
Just gotz a long-ass sip
of Red Bull thatz cool
That can be our fuel!

Chew some glucose tablets
And one of mah thugs grab dat atlas
We goin on a trip!
But not on a cold-ass lil cruise ship

Alright, now itz time
To act like a mime
We not thankin straight
I be Alexander tha Great

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

The Excursion

Today I was wanting to write stuff to film but it just wasn't happening. So I decided getting out of the house and sitting outside somewhere would help me, less distractions and the such. I took my notebook, pen and Hello Kitty bag. You gots to take the Hello Kitty bag.

I sat there for I dunno how long, I write maybe one sentence. And my nose is acting up, way too hayfever-y with all these trees around me! WAY too hayfever-y! AND too hot, I'm boiling. It occurs to me that I use the same words chefs use for cooking but in a "I'm too hot" complaining way. "Boiling" "Roasting" "Sweating".

I also get distracted with taking photos of random things...

That would be a cigarette. Unsmoked, if you're interested.

That would be me. Yes, I'm a random thing.

Thought of adding a Vote Chino sticker to this guys car.

If you zoom in you'll see on this particular car that the license plate says OHHH YEA. I assume this is the license plate talking to me, letting me know it's enjoying the heat and hayfeveriness of the day. Actually are you allowed to post pictures of people's license plates online? I dunno.'s done now.

I then headed home, but not before stealing some lovely flowers! I would say picked some lovely flowers but technically they were in someones garden, behind a fence, so I think that's called stealing. YES, I overcame my hayfever and went for flowers!

The much talked about "stolen flowers"