The Hobbit Conspiracy Theory

So I goes to see this Desolation of Smaug, I does. And guess what I notice?

There's these little guys in it...or should I say...ELVES!

Then there's this big guy with a white beard in it....or should I say...SANTA!!

It's a Christmas movie! What we all actually saw was in fact this...

Yep, fraid so.

Xmas Photos With My New HTC One!

Off The Record

You are now off the record Learn more Cancel

Laura:  too bad walky talkys don't work at this distance

ad love to play xfiles right now

Bud:  they do work

theyre called phones

telephones

Laura:  those are rubbish they're too clear!

hahaha

Bud: hahahahha

GETOOUTTA DER MULDER

Laura:  hahahahha

then al hold in the thing and breathe heavy

and be like

dis is big

bigger dan all of us scully

Bud:  hahahahha

Laura:  den al cut off after goin

what is thaaa-!!

Bud: hahahha

Laura:  then we'll go to adverts

hahaha

Bud: yeah

Laura:  and u can be like

mulder! mulder!!

Bud:  whatta u want, where is mulder

Laura:  :O

blad guy

bald

Bud:  cheah

Laura:  hahahha

Bud:  blad

Laura:  how come am the boy and ur the girl

first off

Bud:  well furst of all

muilder is nuts

Laura:  oi!

Bud: so i mean

Laura:  hahahaha

Bud: derfore

Laura:  al give u that one

Bud: hahahahah

Laura:  ahahaha

Bud:  u wouldnt like to be serious

wait hold on

This chat is no longer off the record

"Booty Call" A Poem by Laura D

Booty Call, Booty Call

There you are

Booty Call, Booty Call

Never too far

Sweet little Booty Call

Don't be a putz

Silly little Booty Call

I'm all out of nuts

Chino, little hamster

There's no nuts at all

Chino, little hamster

All thanks to Booty Call

Booty Call, Booty Call

My hamster is hungry

Booty Call, Booty Call

Give him your sundries!

By Laura D

Yes. I named the squirrel Booty Call.

Halloween Photos!

9 days left til Halloween everybody!!

26 Days Til Halloween - A Scary Thing

Today's scary thing is that it's only 80 days til Christmas!!!!! :O

...yea...I said it.

27 Days Til Halloween - Recipes!

Today's scary thing....check out these super spooky Halloween recipes I found HERE!

I dunno about you but I totally wanna make that haunted graveyard cake....or maybe just eat it...

28 Days Til Halloween! - Hamster Trick or Treating

"Can I go Trick or Treating now?"

He realized if he goes IN the bag, he can eat the candy as it's dropped in!

Now that's a smart hammy.

29 Days Til Halloween - Jafar From Afar

And your scary thing today is this SCARILY cool Christmas toy!! :O

30 Days til Halloween! - "Halloween Nears" Poem

As Halloween nears
I've wondered for years
Why I'm not rich
Maybe I'm a witch?

Who else can I portray?
As it's almost the day
Can I be a zombie?
Or possibly George Formby?

Perhaps I could conspire
To be a vampire?
You kids should pipe down!
Or I'll be a clown!

I could go to City Hall
And be the worst thing of all
Just to amuse
I'll be Ted Cruz!

By Laura D

Twitter Interview #24 @RabidGummiBear

Our first Twitter Interview in more than a month

is with the very lovely, very funny @RabidGummiBear!

Enjoy the crazy hilarity!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

Definitely against my will :p Nah I love doing silly things like this!

State your name and purpose:

Isabel (Rabidgummibear) I came to rock the microphone because I'm not internationally known.

What is the best sound?

Dinging of a timer that tells me something I'm cooking is done!

You just won a years supply! But of what?

Cookies because you can never have enough cookies.

You bumped your funny bone. Do you find it funny or just painful?

Painful and probably includes lots of cursing.

You've been hired to cater a 10 person picnic. What sort of sandwiches will you make? And what juice will you bring? And can I come, please?

I would make a variety of sandwiches so everybody would have something they like. I'd probably bring a variety of wines and maybe sparkling cider or something. Of course you can come!

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

Mass Effect it's my favorite universe. I'd probably want to spend more than a day there though.

The Simpsons writers just hired you to write an episode where one of the characters dies. Which Simpsons character do you kill and how do they die?

Honestly I've not watched the Simpsons in so long I'm not sure who I'd kill. Probably everybody and then have some weird voodoo magic happen and they return to life.

Make a motto using the following letters: IRWOF

I rock with otter fists

 

Complete the Sentence:

Monsters are only scary if...your feet or body part is hanging off the bed

My kitchen cupboards usually contain... lots of baking supplies

I am one crazy... gummi bear.

Seagulls really like... alka seltzer.

Hello Kitty is... the best at being on big pink balls.

 

Would you rather...

Own a perfume made by monkeys that smells like:

A) Bananas

B) Trees

C) Monkeys

B of course. Why would you want to smell like monkeys? I don't like monkeys or gorillas or pretty much any of that. Bad experience as a child.

Have dinner with

A) A very drunk dentist

B) A very hyper 6 year old

C) A very sad elephant who refuses to eat

B because I could just build legos with the kid or something.

Spend a week working as

A) A street sweeper in a very dusty town

B) A Ghostbuster in a city with no ghosts

C) A squirrel hairstylist

B because I would love to be a ghostbuster

Have

A) A beak instead of a mouth

B) Paws instead of hands

C) A Tail, but we will have to ask you to give up your buttocks

C (Breaking the trend of Bs!) because I want a pretty tail to whack people with

Be a guest star on

A) Cheers

B) The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

C) Bewitched

C because I love Bewitched the most out of all those shows.

 

Draw a picture of yourself wearing a bear costume. Be as detailed as you wish.

I refuse! I will draw myself as a bunny though...

I bring you the masterpiece my friend @somethingpc made for our podcast. It features me as a bunneh :3

 See more from @RabidGummiBear here:

Her YouTube Channel

Podcasts:

www.chemicalxshow.com

www.blankshowcast.podbean.com

"Being funny"

If only being funny
Could make you easy money
I'd be on permanent staff
Just to make you laugh
OH! And BUTTOCKS!

Laura D's Guide to American Holidays

I've been an American resident for more than a year now, and thought it's time I share my expert knowledge of American culture with you all. Hope you enjoy the following facts.

• St Patrick's Day - A day where everyone in America attempts to get more drunk than they have ever been before. Or as we call it in Scotland - Friday. .....and Saturday.
• Memorial Day - The day Americans suddenly remember they have outdoor grills.
• Thanksgiving - The day when everyone in America eats til their belt buckles explode and then argue with family. So I'm yet to find out how it's different from any other day in America...
• Groundhog Day - A day that commemorates the Harold Ramis movie, starring Bill Murray.
• Groundhog Day - A day that commemorates the Harold Ramis movie, starring Bill Murray.
• July 4th - The day that celebrates America becoming independent from England. Or as we call it in Scotland "The next election".
• Groundhog Day - A day that commemorates the Harold Ramis movie, starring Bill Murray.
• Super Bowl Sunday - A day that celebrates commercials. Got it's name from the fact you must eat chicken wings and other goodies from a huge bowl. A SUPER bowl, if you will.

Write a Poem

Write a poem
That'll show 'em
Rhyme those words together

Write a poem
Then just throw 'em
Out in the cold weather

Write a poem
And then mow 'em
Down like Scottish heather

But woah there, Jean
Don't be so mean
It's just a stupid poem

By Laura D

WRITTEN IN UNDER 2 MINUTES I HOPE YOU KNOW!!

Yep.

Twitter Interview #23 @PhilScowcroft

 Our 23rd Twitter Interview is with @PhilScowcroft!

I actually poached him from @80sNostalgia's interviews,

so he's used but in excellent condition.

OH AND HE'S A DWARFER!!!!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

It’s against my will, but that’s just pure coincidence. I don’t know why I got it out anyway. It doesn’t even get read out until after I’ve died. I’ve put it away again.

State your name and purpose:

Hi comrades. My name is Phil, and my purpose? I’m an advertising producer and in charge of the music we play at 96.5 Bolton FM: a tiny radio station in the sunny Northwest of England.

What is the best soda?

Crystals. They’re great for unblocking sinks and general cleaning. Try it, you’ll never look back.

Aladdin is letting you borrow his magic carpet for the day. Where do you fly to? And would you rather take Jasmine or Abu with you?

I’d tell him thanks, but I’d decline to take either of them. Abu would probably just jump all over me and be generally annoying, whereas Jasmine would sit there in a sulk because I’m not taking her where she wants to go. If I’ve been loaned a flying carpet, I’d go where I want to go. Where would that be? Probably to a carpet shop and ask if I could speak to the Manager about it.

They've taken Mr Rimmer. Sir! They've taken Mr Rimmer! What do you do?

Quick! Let’s get out of here before they bring him back!!

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

It wouldn’t be Monopoly. I’d soon get fed up with that because it goes on forever. I used to LOVE playing Chuckie Egg 2 on the ZX Spectrum, so I’d probably be Henhouse Harry. I’d just have to be careful that I grabbed on to the ropes and didn’t slide down to my death on a pod that blows bubbles.

The sun or the moon? Who has a better reputation?

The moon. People can just stare at it in wonder, and we’ve visited it, which you can’t do with the sun; you’d just go blind and burn up respectively. Plus, it’s one or the other with some people and the sun. They either love it and sit in it all day, or they moan about it being out again because it’s ‘Too Hot’ and do anything to get out of being in it generally.

If you had to be repeatedly kicked by a kitten, what would you like that kitten's name to be? And what colour fur would he have?

I’d just never be in that situation. Now THAT reminds me of the giant kitten in The Goodies from the 1970s. I wouldn’t want to be within ten miles of something that had grown to that size.

Complete the sentence:

My school was the worst for... years, until it got a newer, more strict head.

The postman should...stop regenerating. I’m sure he’s getting to the end of his allocated lives.

Crackers are useful for...nothing really. Never seen the point of them. *BANG* (if it happens), rubbish joke, end. Then someone has to tidy them up.

I used to like...everything I like now. The only thing I won’t do now, is tape the top 40. No point really, AND Woolworths has closed, so I can’t buy tapes any more.

Seagulls need to...try a supermarket’s own mini-cheddars. They’ll never know the difference.

Would you rather...

Spend a week as

A) A Teletubby of your choice

B) Barney the Dinosaur

C) Bear in the Big Blue House

None. I don’t like dressing up. Plus, that Tubby Custard machine needs looking at. It’s dangerous.

Be trapped inside

A) A spring roll

B) A sausage roll

C) A ravioli

If I ever came across a sausage roll that was bigger than me, I’d gladly step inside and close the door.

Lose your sense of

A) Smell

B) Timing

C) Fashion

Of all three, Fashion. If you lose your sense of smell, you can’t taste, so I’d never enjoy a curry again. I just couldn’t possible imagine losing my sense of timing either. I need that to function in my job. So, fashion it has to be, and judging by some fashions out there at the moment, who’d actually care?

Have to have a nice conversation with

A) A very insulting monkey

B) A know it all meerkat

C) A plant who won't let you get a word in edge wise

I’ve had conversations with A and B already, or people who look like them, so it’d have to be C. And the ONLY one I’d want to talk to is the Aspidistra from The Adventure Game.

Have

A) Antlers

B) Rabbit Ears

C) A lovely mane

All three. I’d call myself a Lioneerbit. The mane would annoy me though, especially in summer, so there’d have to be a caveat that I could shave it off.

Draw a picture of yourself doing your best dance move. Be as detailed as you wish.

Here’s me doing my best dance move. Unfortunately, I’m in the room to the left of this picture as it’s a wedding buffet room I’ve drawn, I’m at the wedding, but in the function room next door. There’s a good spread on. It’s drawn on the back of an eBay receipt.

Check out more from Phil, seeing as you're here:

Hear him on Bolton FM

And follow him on Twitter @PhilScowcroft

Laura D In Santa Cruz

Yes, Santa Cruz, that place made famous by Master System's California Games:

Well, to some of us anyway!

I shall describe the day via PHOTO ESSAY.

That's right! PHOTO ESSAY! Let's get to it.

These are my feet and legs on a bus. (Other parts of me not pictured)

Obligatory scenery and window glare

Here's the part of the bus where you get your emergency salad

We're here! And at a bookshop no less!
Apologies to the man with the funky expression on his face.

For some reason there was a dead lady encased in glass.
I would have reported it to the police but there were too many hippies around
 and I didn't want to be called a NARK.

Much like this Chloe Abbot.
Though I have to say, I was only there 10 minutes before she
was telling everybody that I had sweets before dinnertime.
Stop telling on me Chloe Abbot!!

This is where we were. In fact, this was actually a live webcam,

that's my husband and I right next to Parking Control. That's us!

Um...okay

EXPERIENCE BIJ!!!!

I have to tell the Lab Scientist about this book...

At a pizza place, I met up with my friend Terry.

He only has one foot and I shared my pizza with him.

His full name is Terrence Black but his friends call him Terry.

THOSE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS!!!

These are the contents of a toilet.

BAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHA

And on the way back home I saw where the Animaniacs live!

Twitter Interview #22 @Retrocore_RCVGM

 Today's Twitter Interview is with the GREAT @Retrocore_RCVGM!

Every time time we talk, we realize we lived the exact same childhood, and it's fantastic!

I have to say I am particularly fond of this interview (not that I have faves or anything...all of my Twitter Interview children are loved equally...or...something) Ahem...INTERVIEW TIME!!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

I'm so stoked! I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming....ouch!!

State your name and purpose:

The names Count Juicy, there is none higher. Sucking everything from plants to tires! Nah, I kid. My name is Chris and my purpose to live is to play all the retro games!

Who put the screw in the tuna?

A certain person who loves orange soda did. And if he would of kept his mouth shut they could of been millionaires! 

You just won a years supply! But of what?

Doughnuts!! I love doughnuts and since I couldn't possibly eat a years worth, I could toss some at punk kids who won't stay off my darn lawn!! *shakes fist*

You are going on a camping trip, which 3 cartoon characters would you like on the trip with you?

1.Rocko: for the most part he has his head on straight.

2.Skeeter: because who who doesn't love Skeeter? 

3.Catdog: because no one should be alone in the world. :(

You are meeting your friend's newborn baby. While her back is turned, the baby gives you the finger. What do you do?

I remember and wait until the kid is 16. Then I steal its car and run it off a cliff. That'll teach he/she a lesson!

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

I live the life of a game everyday. Not a day goes by I don't rescue the President from Ninjas. It's not all bad I guess. He does buy me a burger. Oh the life that I live is sad...

Sidewalks are being replaced with something more child friendly. The city council asks for your expert opinion. Trampoline sidewalks or Play-Doh sidewalks?

Trampolines! Getting across the street would be easy! Just jump off your roof, land on the trampoline sidewalk and enjoy ninja flipping over cars to the other side!

Complete the sentence:

I would like tarantula's better if...they could bring me beers and switch out games for me. 

Tickling is...all fun and games until someone pees themselves.

My shoes are... usually stinky and muddy.

Monkeys need to learn better manners but elephants need to...watch where they poop. Ever see the aftermath of a parade that had elephants???? 

Mornings are... overrated. Mornings should start at noon. 

 

Would you rather...

Have

A) A book written about you

B) A movie made about you

C) A comic book drawn about you

C

For an entire week, eat only

A) Various cereals

B) Toast with various toppings or fillings

C) Eggs in various forms

A

Would you rather

A) Cry wolf

B) Have your house blown down by a wolf

C) Spend the day with Wolf Blitzer

C? I have no idea who that is. Hopefully he doesn't bite!

Get

A) Ripped off

B) Ripped on

B

Spend the entire day

A) Standing up

B) Sitting down

C) Lying down

D) Dancing around

B

Draw a picture of yourself winking at us. Be as detailed as you wish.

 Check out more awesome stuff from Chris:

Retro Blog

 Retrocore Podcast

 Retrocore Classic Gaming Music

And of course, follow him on Twitter @Retrocore_RCVGM