If You Point A Camera At Me, I Will End Up Doing Something Weird

Yes. I am sucking the rabbit's brains out with a crazy straw.

Laura D's Triumphant Return!

Welcome to my triumphant return to the Blogosphere!*

Jeez oh, *blows on blog* it's dustier around here a Donald Trump hair joke. Does that make any sense? No? Well that's the reason I'm back, I don't feel there is nearly enough nonsense on the internet. It's in need of my input.

Let's celebrate this blog revival with my favourite type of post...random bullet points!

• This morning I had a spider on my trousers....AND I WAS WEARING THEM AT THE TIME!! There was no one home and that was probably for the best as I caused quite the scene. Effin' spiders.
• I think the guy in the Weetabix advert is a masochist. Have you seen him? The guy that does that dance over and over? Watch the end of that advert carefully. He's eating Weetabix dry!! No milk, not heated up, nothing!
• I've become addicted to Scooby Doo. I dunno how this happened. Clearly I wasn't paying attention and it snuck in somehow. He's coursing through my veins. I can't get enough. I'm jonesing for my next Scooby snack, as it were. I'm itchy. Mad itchy. I'm seeing ants. I can't wait to see the brand new "Be Cool, Scooby Doo". And you better believe I'll review it right here.
• There's a little boy in my house, his name is Hamilton and he is very hairy. You'll hear more from/about him in future posts, stay tuned!
• I'm adamant that Robert Llewellyn should do more frequent Periscopes. There's nothing more relaxing than having a nice cup of tea and listening to him talk Red Dwarf and electric cars. ...oh and staring up his nose.
• It's 25 days til Halloween!!

Thanks for joining me, folkaroos! It feels fantastic to be back!

*Triumphant returns to Youtube and Twitter will occur at a later date.

Place Ya Bets Now!

A total of maybe 4 hours of sleep in 54 hours. We will now take bets on how long til my psychotic break!

Winner gets a years supply of invisible friends! (Drop Dead Fred not included. Refunds will not be given for Namby Pambys)

My Day In Pictures

 There I am. Hello you!

 A sleepy Chino.

 An origami heart I made using ladybird origami paper.

...because I attempted to make the ladybird but...let's say it died...

actually it was never born. It got aborted, as it were.

 Did some writing! Yay!

 It was 30c here today so I opted for a blue slush puppy ice pole!
Love those slush puppys.

And we finish with a packet of hula hoops. 

Thanks for watching, we'll see you next time,

here on "Things Laura Did to Prevent Boredom".

I'm The Bat and He's The Cat

Valentines day temporary tattoos!

Parappa the Rapper and his Backup Dancers

Best damn show I've seen in a long time, I'll give them that.

Chino Being a Tribble

My New Hair and a No Eared Squirrel

Well it's the same hair, but shorter.

And then there's No Ears. She comes to the garden everyday...

An Ode to Chino

A rodent with attitude

And not so much gratitude

All the food he will hoard

But at least he's not Rob Ford

He loves to sleep all day long

And doesn't think it's wrong

Breath making the cage misty

At least he's not Chris Christie

"Bring me tons of peanuts

And some carrots and doughnuts!"

Doesn't care what you say

Unlike the NSA

Now for some facts:

Doesn't ever pay tax

He's never seen a kitten

Best friend is Bill Clinton

That's Chino

By Laura D

Halloween Photos!

9 days left til Halloween everybody!!

Twitter Interview #17 @emileewhemilee

 Our 15th Twitter Interview is with the very funny mummy @emileewhemilee!!

I swear, she is one of the nicest people on Twitter and you should follow her right this second. It's Friday so consider it an #FF!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will? 

I am very happy to comply with this interview. 

State your name and purpose:

My name is Emily Riner and I am still not 100% certain of my purpose. The fun part is finding that out, right? I am, however, currently the owner/operator of a home-daycare, mother of 2 children, step-mother to 1, caretaker of many pets, and wife to an amazing man.

What is the funniest feeling?

The funniest feeling is watching my kids grow old and act exactly like me, and what I assume my husband acted like as a child. It’s like a glimpse into the past.

Shaggy, Velma, Fred or Daphne? Who would you rather ghost hunt with?

Shaggy, for sure! He and Scooby always had the most fun, even if they were the ones to get caught by the ghost and held as ransom. They would make me laugh the entire time, which is important since I am terrified of ghosts and spirits. Well evil ones anyway.

You just won a years supply! But of what?

The first thing that came to mind was milk! We drink between 3-6 gallons a week and a year’s supply would be wonderful. My brain is incapable of thinking of a non-essential item; sadly this is a casualty due to my adulthood responsibilities.

You just discovered a 3 foot monster living in your house. He asks you for asylum to continue living there. What do you tell him? And what do you name him?

It would have to be a cute monster, like one of Monster’s Inc, and I would tell him yes as long as he kills all spiders that he encounters. I would name him Frank, a good practical name.

Make a motto using the following letters LNIOS (an acronym, if you will)

Love

Not

Indifferent

Onion

Slime

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

Candy land! The worst thing that can happen to you in that game is you get stuck in the Molasses Swamp and have to eat your way out. Definitely my type of lifestyle: Candy for everyone!

An 80 yr old man asks you how the internet works. Explain the internet using a series of lies.

I would explain that the internet is made up and doesn’t actually exist. It is a government conspiracy, much like the first man walking on the moon. He must point and yell at whoever tells him differently because they are trying to brainwash him.

Complete the sentence:

An ant can jump higher than me but I can...squish his ass.

No cupboard in my house contains...bat brains. We have everything else.

More reality shows would be...a travesty to mankind.

I have the greatest...guinea pig in the world!

Cheese usually...is double fisted by my 4 year old.

Would you rather...

Be walking down the street and

A) Get splashed by 3 passing cars in a row

B) Have a small child run up to you, kick your shin then run away giggling

C) Realize you can understand what ants on the sidewalk are saying to each other, but that they are saying bad things about you

B) It happens to me daily and really isn’t that bad once you get used to it.

Rinse your mouth with mouthwash that tastes like

A) Dog poo

B) Cat pee

C) Mint...but then realize someone else just spat that stuff back in the bottle

C) Mint. I’m sure that the mouthwash chemicals would kill their germs before they infected me. Also, it would have most likely been one of my kids or my husband that spat it back in the bottle. I already am subjected to them on a daily basis, so it wouldn’t be so bad. I definitely would puke at A & B!

Spend an hour

A) With a tiny dog that is non-stop yapping

B) Having an imaginary tea party with a 5 yr old girl

C) Have a tea party with THE ACTUAL TEA PARTY

B) Again, that is something that is pretty normal here. Kids say some amazing things when you take the time to listen :-)

Get caught

A) Stealing cookies from the cookie jar

B) Stealing rookies from the rookie jar

C) What is a rookie jar?

C) What in the world is a rookie jar? Is it full of athletes? I’d def steal some rookies out of that jar ;)

You killed Professor Plum in

A) The Ballroom

B) The Billiard Room

C) The Conservatory

B) There are more weapons handy in the Billiard Room.

Please explain why you killed Professor Plum and tell us which weapon you used (anything you say may be held against you in a court of law)

I caught Professor Plum trying to steal my candy, so he had to go. I did it with a pool stick, smashed that old boy’s head right on in. But in all seriousness, I did not kill anyone and have a very solid alibi for that night.

Draw a picture of yourself if you were a bunny rabbit. Be as detailed as you wish.

 She merges reality with imaginary, look at that!

And as I said, it's Friday so go follow her...

@emileewhemilee

Meme Me, Baby, Meme Me!

CHRISTMAS PHOTOS!

You heard right! It's time for some Xmas photos. And next week perhaps there will be some Xmas videos. BUT NOT YET! Photos now!

Check it out, you can see my scar in that last pic.

A Little Update

I haven't done my bullet points in a while so here we go!

• It's only 18 sleeps til Xmas!!!
• I licked an envelope today and it tasted very nice. Now let's say no more about it.
• I shall be watching Scrooged tonight. We need more Bill Murray xmas movies I think.
• Buttocks.
• Chino has learned to squeak to communicate with me. "Squeak, squeak, squeak...squeak" whilst looking directly at me means: "Please put me back in my cage Laura, I need to use the bathroom."
• Went to the import food shop today and got myself a tin of Heinz tomato soup, was deeeeeelicious. Here's the proof:

•  Also, I got a new haircut, and here's the proof of that:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

This Morning

I catch the rat, staring through the window at Chino in his cage...AGAIN.

And this photo is not photoshopped either. She is obsessed!! Or maybe she just sees his hoards of seeds...

13 Days til Halloween!

Oops, and it seems I've missed some days of the countdown...perhaps a witch cast a spell on me to make me forget! Well that's the story I'm going with anyway and I ain't backing down.

So your scare today is this!! Laura D transmogrifies into none other than Sarah Palin!

19 Days Til Halloween!!

Your scary thing for today? Why ME of course!

20 Days til Halloween!!

20, that's a lovely number. Now to your scary thing today!!

A silhouetted hamster, with just a touch of evil mischief on his mind...mwahahahaha!

Hamster Climbing Castle Luka - 15 x 13,5 x 7 cm (LxWxH) (Google Affiliate Ad)

Fun at the Park!!

We all love to have fun at the children's park even if we are 24 years old...

Look at that. Look at the joy on that face. Just enjoy that for a minute. This was the first time I've ever been on one of these that actually work! Where I live, the springs are all rusted over so they don't move, I never knew they were supposed to move!!

And here I am being a happy pirate looking for land...

...and here I am being a serious pirate...also looking for land.

This is me captaining my boat through a wicked wind storm!

Maybe I think I need to find things to do with my time...

Job Application to CNN

Dear CNN,

I would like to work with your network and have included my photo. As you can see I have a face on that says I don't like the "spin" you're giving me, what's the truth here.

Also, as I know your network avoids taking a stance on issues, I shall be using this face on both Democrats and Republicans. This way I can stick to your agenda of annoying everyone.

I may not have as much grey as Anderson Cooper or as much outright smarm as Piers Morgan, but I think I can do the job. I even propose that I wear patches on my arms with various logos on them so you don't have to cut to adverts every 3 minutes.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Laura D