Twitter Interview #20 @RETR0JOE

 The honour of our 20th Twitter Interview goes to the hilarious and cool, and cool-ly hilarious and hilariously cool.....@RETR0JOE!! Yaaay!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

*Looks at guy holding a machete doing a cut throat gesture…
 Yes…Who the hell is Will? 

State your name and purpose: 

I'm Joe. My purpose in life is to play video games. 

Jiminy Cricket, the Mouse from Dumbo or Baloo. Who would be your preferred mentor?

Jiminy cricket so I could keep him with me at all times, also if he gets annoying I could just flick him away 

You just won a years supply! But of what? 

Money. If money isn't allowed my answer would be lottery tickets 

A ballerina just badmouthed you to a local newspaper. What did she say and why does she dislike you? 

She said I'm flat footed because I stood on her toes during swan lake 

I'll have a black coffee with 3 sugars, what will you have? 

What have you got? 

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game) 

GTA 3 or Doom. I like to kill things 

I think buttocks is a funny word. What word amuses you? 

Fanny…because Americans think its something else. 


Complete the sentence:

Emotions are... Depressing 

When martians land, I want to... Steal their space ship 

I have too many... Space ships 

My pinky toe likes to... Run all the way home 

Crying is a good way to... Get my self to sleep at night

Would you rather... 

Be best friends with

A) A moth who is afraid of light

B) The fastest sloth in the world

C) A monkey. Any monkey. A monkey of your choice and you can name him. 

A because moths fascinate me, I call them the butterfly's of the night 

Work as

A) A window washer, but you can only use your spit to clean the windows

B) A gardener during a storm

C) Assistant to David Cameron 

C) so I can disagree with everything he is saying and suggest stupid things like banning porn to get his reputation down. 

Be

A) A fly flying dangerously close to a giant spider web

B) A small mouse who has to run past a hungry cat to get home

C) A postman delivering letters to an angry dog 

C. So I could write the dog a letter telling him/her to chill out. 

Wear

A) A tie that's too heavy and hurts your neck

B) Shoes that are too hard and hurt your feet

C) An obvious toupee 

C) so it can attract the attention away from the fact I'm not wearing any pants 

Get the gift of

A) Play-doh

B) Plasticine

C) Clay 

A. I love the smell of play doh. It's in my top 3 list of smells besides petrol and unsmoked tobacco 

Draw a picture of yourself as a 1930s detective. Be as detailed as you wish.

 

Check out more from Joe!

RETR0JOE on YouTube!

And of course, follow him on his Twitter @RETR0JOE

Twitter Interview #17 @emileewhemilee

 Our 15th Twitter Interview is with the very funny mummy @emileewhemilee!!

I swear, she is one of the nicest people on Twitter and you should follow her right this second. It's Friday so consider it an #FF!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will? 

I am very happy to comply with this interview. 

State your name and purpose:

My name is Emily Riner and I am still not 100% certain of my purpose. The fun part is finding that out, right? I am, however, currently the owner/operator of a home-daycare, mother of 2 children, step-mother to 1, caretaker of many pets, and wife to an amazing man.

What is the funniest feeling?

The funniest feeling is watching my kids grow old and act exactly like me, and what I assume my husband acted like as a child. It’s like a glimpse into the past.

Shaggy, Velma, Fred or Daphne? Who would you rather ghost hunt with?

Shaggy, for sure! He and Scooby always had the most fun, even if they were the ones to get caught by the ghost and held as ransom. They would make me laugh the entire time, which is important since I am terrified of ghosts and spirits. Well evil ones anyway.

You just won a years supply! But of what?

The first thing that came to mind was milk! We drink between 3-6 gallons a week and a year’s supply would be wonderful. My brain is incapable of thinking of a non-essential item; sadly this is a casualty due to my adulthood responsibilities.

You just discovered a 3 foot monster living in your house. He asks you for asylum to continue living there. What do you tell him? And what do you name him?

It would have to be a cute monster, like one of Monster’s Inc, and I would tell him yes as long as he kills all spiders that he encounters. I would name him Frank, a good practical name.

Make a motto using the following letters LNIOS (an acronym, if you will)

Love

Not

Indifferent

Onion

Slime

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

Candy land! The worst thing that can happen to you in that game is you get stuck in the Molasses Swamp and have to eat your way out. Definitely my type of lifestyle: Candy for everyone!

An 80 yr old man asks you how the internet works. Explain the internet using a series of lies.

I would explain that the internet is made up and doesn’t actually exist. It is a government conspiracy, much like the first man walking on the moon. He must point and yell at whoever tells him differently because they are trying to brainwash him.

Complete the sentence:

An ant can jump higher than me but I can...squish his ass.

No cupboard in my house contains...bat brains. We have everything else.

More reality shows would be...a travesty to mankind.

I have the greatest...guinea pig in the world!

Cheese usually...is double fisted by my 4 year old.

Would you rather...

Be walking down the street and

A) Get splashed by 3 passing cars in a row

B) Have a small child run up to you, kick your shin then run away giggling

C) Realize you can understand what ants on the sidewalk are saying to each other, but that they are saying bad things about you

B) It happens to me daily and really isn’t that bad once you get used to it.

Rinse your mouth with mouthwash that tastes like

A) Dog poo

B) Cat pee

C) Mint...but then realize someone else just spat that stuff back in the bottle

C) Mint. I’m sure that the mouthwash chemicals would kill their germs before they infected me. Also, it would have most likely been one of my kids or my husband that spat it back in the bottle. I already am subjected to them on a daily basis, so it wouldn’t be so bad. I definitely would puke at A & B!

Spend an hour

A) With a tiny dog that is non-stop yapping

B) Having an imaginary tea party with a 5 yr old girl

C) Have a tea party with THE ACTUAL TEA PARTY

B) Again, that is something that is pretty normal here. Kids say some amazing things when you take the time to listen :-)

Get caught

A) Stealing cookies from the cookie jar

B) Stealing rookies from the rookie jar

C) What is a rookie jar?

C) What in the world is a rookie jar? Is it full of athletes? I’d def steal some rookies out of that jar ;)

You killed Professor Plum in

A) The Ballroom

B) The Billiard Room

C) The Conservatory

B) There are more weapons handy in the Billiard Room.

Please explain why you killed Professor Plum and tell us which weapon you used (anything you say may be held against you in a court of law)

I caught Professor Plum trying to steal my candy, so he had to go. I did it with a pool stick, smashed that old boy’s head right on in. But in all seriousness, I did not kill anyone and have a very solid alibi for that night.

Draw a picture of yourself if you were a bunny rabbit. Be as detailed as you wish.

 She merges reality with imaginary, look at that!

And as I said, it's Friday so go follow her...

@emileewhemilee

Twitter Interview #10 @JackArcherX

 My 10th and final interview!! ...okay, that's a lie.

Our interview today is with @JackArcherX!

I didn't know that much about Jack until doing this interview, and now I know 3 things:

He's funny

He's good at telling stories

and he likes using non-weapons as weapons. So watch out!!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

Happy? Of course I’m happy, why wouldn’t I be? Btw, that’s a fantastic shotgun you’re pointing at me.

State your name and purpose:

People call me Jack Archer, so that’s what I suppose my name is. My purpose is to eliminate all human life on the planet so the badgers can take control of the universe!

When you fold your arms, which arm is on top? Left or right?

Both

A cop just arrested you. Why did he arrest you and did you do it?

Probably for making him question his purpose in the universe and/or the meaning of his life…….Or I just stole his doughnuts.

You just won a years supply! But of what?

Habanero sauce. It’s quite tasty and it’s also a fantastic weapon. Just spray it in the eyes of the victim and prepare for hilarity!

Name your favourite tv show and your least favourite episode of it.

Serious talk here, my favourite TV show is Doctor Who and my least favourite episode is The End of Time. I can rant for hours about why it’s so horrible……….maybe I will! (coming soon….)

The Guinness Book of World Records wants you to invent a new record. What is that new record and will you accept challengers?

Well, I know a place that sells 120cm long quesadillas, so the record would be based on who can eat 5 of those the fastest (*cough*1minute5seconds*cough) And if they can survive the first 2, then sure, I’d accept challengers >:D

Pluto, Scooby Doo, Santa's Little Helper, Odie, Brian Griffin, Droopy Dog. Which dog is the best?

Hm, no love for Dogbert, Marmaduke or Dynomutt? Well, out of those, I’d say Droopy.

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

Bioshock Infinite, American McGee’s Alice or Final Fantasy IX. Those are some of the most beautiful videogames I’ve ever seen, going from a fantastic Stempunk setting (Infinite & FFIX) to a mesmerizing and bizarre land (Alice)

What is the best smell?

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.

You had an accident and fell while walking outside of a tv station. Your lawyer couldn't get you any money but has made a deal that you can punch anyone on tv. Who will you punch?

That depends on the TV station, but my main objectives would be Conan O’Brien, Steven Moffat and pretty much anyone who works for FOX.

Complete the sentence:

Toilet paper tubes make excellent...Weapons. If crafted correctly, cardboard could be sharper than a steel blade. Actually….be right back….

I used to love...Eating brains for breakfast, but I was cured from my zombie state, so now I only eat the tormented souls of the living.

People always forget...What they’re trying to write about, I mean, how hard it is to drive a helicopter? Seriously, if the mascots want the kids to stay away from their cereal, why not poison it? And that is the meaning of life. What was I talking about? D:

Only the craziest...Can call themselves the wisest.

Twitter would be better if...It had lasers, everything is better with lasers….or bears……or dragons…..or bears riding dragons that shoot lasers from their eyes.

Would you rather...

Be allergic to
A) Chocolate and all desserts
B) All pets
C) Typing 

Chocolate and all desserts, even though I have a sweet tooth, I could never go a day without writing. Likewise, having a pet around always brightens the mood and helps survive the solitude of a writer.

On a Friday night
A) Be on a spaceship with a very gooey alien, that leaves his goo all over the control panels
B) Go underground to a river of slime and almost be run over by a ghost train
C) Have your grandmother give sloppy, saliva kisses to you and all your friends 

I think I see a pattern here…. I mean, all 3 look like parts of the same story…. Ok, how about this: Once upon a time there was a gooey little alien living on a very distant planet. Every day he would go out on his spaceship to explore new worlds with all of his friends and every night, when they came back, his grandmother greeted all of them with sloppy, saliva kisses. One Friday night, the alien and his friends decided to explore a nearby cave and discovered an underground passage that lead to a river of slime. The cave was darker than the night, but the river glowed with a beautiful and mysterious emerald green shine. The aliens couldn’t believe their eyes; they were so fascinated by this wonderful view that they almost didn’t hear it coming…. A ghost train was headed their way… Out of instinct the little aliens jumped into the river and avoided being run over. Scared for their lives, but relieved to be alive and happy for their discovery they decided to go back home. The End………

Wait, what was the question? D:

Have your likeness be made into
A) A teddy bear
B) A dog toy
C) A voodoo doll 

All of the above. To be exact, I know there’s a voodoo doll of myself circulating around the country, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it helped someone sleep (although, it’d be better if that person bought me a few drinks first) or used as a dog toy.

Take a bath in
A) Someone else's used bath water
B) Vinegar
C) Used cat litter 

Vinegar. Been there done that. Don’t ask.

Spend one day without
A) Internet or computer access
B) Food
C) Speaking 

Well, I’ve been through all 3 at some point, so I’d have to say the worst is being without food. I mean, I can stand a day or 2 without food, but more than that and lack of bath salts wouldn’t be a problem for me. >_>

Draw a picture of yourself looking shocked that you took part in this interview. Be as detailed as you wish.

(Click pic to zoom in)

 Check that out! Our first ever comic strip in response to the drawing instructions!! :D

Find out more about @JackArcherX here:

JackArcherX on YouTube

Jack on ScrewAttack

Twitter Interview #9 @tvsboh

 My 8th Twitter interview is with one half of the @tvsboh team!

(The Very Supreme Broadcast Of Honour)

To be more specific, with Mike! He is also my first ever Canadian Interviewee, so I am EXTRA EXCITED!!! Enjoy the comedy to come...

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

I am happy to participate AND I’m doing it against my will.

State your name and purpose:

My name is Mike from The Very Supreme Broadcast Of Honour (TVSBOH) and my purpose is to destroy Higgins from TVSBOH but don’t tell him or I’ll have to kill him.

What is the funniest sound?

I think the funniest sound is likely the sound of my face hitting the cold tile of my bathroom floor after tripping on a cat (Meowzers) that I’m cat-sitting for my great-aunt. Meowzers and I were getting along swimmingly until that point.

What food would you force your mortal enemy to eat?

Bacon. Once they were done and satisfied, I’d let them know that there was no MORE bacon and watch them cry in extreme pain and displeasure. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA…ha?

You just won a years supply! But of what?

Of Two-Toned BBQ’d Vegetable-Pita Soy-Extracted Pine-Needle Sprinkled Non-Organic Whipped 10% Cocoa Drizzled Vegan Smoked Replacement Rubik’s-Cube Parts (Yellow Only)! YAY!

Write a very short story about a mischievous tiger, who learns in the end that he is actually a monkey. Please also give him a name.

Xanana the tiger was just finishing the last of the bunch of bananas. He was interested in only one thing – watching other tigers slip on banana peels. He also kept a paw-full of his own poop ready so he could throw it in the faces of his fallen tiger-friends faces and laugh at them. He was quite the joker. But today, the joke would be on him. Shortly after laying the peel from the banana he had just eaten carefully in an ideal spot, Xanana, with poop in paw, waited patiently for an unsuspecting tiger to approach and fall into the trap. Suddenly, and without warning, a tiger lunged at Xanana from behind and sunk its teeth into him. As the tiger was swallowing Xanana, he asked of the tiger “Why are you eating a fellow tiger?” to which the tiger replied with a mouth full of monkey “Tigers don’t have names like Xanana. Tigers have names like Xiger.” Xanana realized in that moment that he was a monkey. Seems like life was the joker this time…Except that Xanana got the last laugh because as the tiger ingested him he also ingested the handful of monkey poop and died later that night from a bacterial infection of the stomach lining. -Fin

Name a movie you hate. How much would someone have to pay you to make you watch it?

Grease. $2.50 and a bottle of Sugar-Free Diet Baseball-Bat To The Head

Cheshire cat, Felix the cat, Sylvester the cat, Tony the Tiger or Garfield?

Felix The Cat and his Bag of Tricks! That freaking cat had a magic bag and nothing beats a cat with a magic bag!

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

The Sims because I want a real job and have someone tell me when to go to the bathroom.

Your knee is hurting because an angry fly flew into it 17 times. Do you retaliate or try to talk it out?

If it would agree to fly to Higgins’ house and fly into his knee 18 times, I’d promise not to kill it.

Make a motto using the following letters GFORT (an acronym, if you will)

Gravy

For

Old

Retired

Teachers

Complete the sentence:

There should be a new religion called...Electric Fence Peeing of Ow

My elbow tastes like...the average elbow, with a new twist!

Toes would be better if...they went out and got their own jobs – freeloaders.

The best thing about Saturday’s is...you never ever have to see those people again. Until Monday.

I can't remember...you. You can’t remember me. Don’t let your LIIIIIFE, pass you by. We can’t recall the memoryyyyyy. (Written and performed by Sarah McAlzheimer)

Would you rather...

Spend a week as an assistant to

A) Bill Clinton

B) Bill Gates

C) Bill Murray

D) Bill Nye the Science Guy

D. Bill Nye the Science Guy is the coolest person in the world. AND OUTTA THIS WORLD. BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL…

Be

A) Doomed

B) Damned

C) Deserted

C. I LOVE a nice dessert.

Have your long lost twin, who you just met for the first time, be

A) Fat

B) Bald

C) A number of cats in a long jacket pretending to be your twin

All of the above. Bald, fat cats in a long jacket pretending to be my twin. At least then they would resemble me. *runs off blubbering*

Be named

A) Baron Von Forkenberg

B) Prince Poppington, the Polite Knight

C) Mrs Peacock

B. I have royal blood IRL so I think it only appropriate. Plus, I’m pretty FREAKING NICE. GET IT? *shoves fist in your face in a non-polite way*

Have to

A) Kiss a frog that doesn't ever become a human, let alone a Prince

B) Climb Rapunzel's hair, even though she has many split ends and you will likely fall

C) Be Rumpelstiltskin

B. I would bring only the finest leave-in conditioner. TRESemme. OH LALA

Draw a picture of yourself saying something to us via speech bubble. Be as detailed as you wish.

 Now I KNOW you guys need to know more about The Very Supreme Broadcast of Honour,

so check them out here:

TVSBOH on YouTube

TVSBOH Live on Twitch 

TVSBOH on Twitter 

TVSBOH on Facebook 

TVSBOH Merchandise!

TVSBOH on iTunes  

A Picture of Higgins

  And a picture of Mike

You can see why I interviewed Mike first...ahem...

Twitter Interview #7 @Razor792

Twitter Interview #7!! I just realized most of my interviews are with Brits, and today's is no different! The wonderful @Razor792 Literally just visit his Twitter page and you'll see why he's cool. Click it, go ahead!

See it? He stole the Sega Mega Drive logo!! THAT'S WHY HE'S COOL!

Okay onto the interview...

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will? 

Of course I'm happy to participate in this interview, this gun against my head has no bearing on that whatsoever.

State your name and purpose:

My online alias is Razor and my purpose is to try and take over the human race by entertaining people with my YouTube videos and boring them with my Tweets.

What are the best and worst months of the year?

The best month of the year was May because I left my job and the worst month of the year was June for reasons I shall not bore whoever is reading this with.

You just won a years supply! But of what?

Monies for my Steam wallet!

Which cartoon character would make the best wife?

Dexter's Mum - All she does is wash up.

You won an award in a previous life. What was the award for? 

I won a Darwin award for sucking on exhaust fumes.

A scientist comes to you with their idea of how to make sewage into food. How do you react?

I would listen to their idea and steal it, then I would rework it in a way that the general public may find acceptable and finally once my idea is accepted I would win a far greater award than that lousy Darwin award.

Bill Clinton wants you to write him a speech about his favourite food (hot dogs). He would like you to keep it to 15 words and don't use the word taste, good or bun. Write Bill Clinton's speech:

I have no idea how to answer this question, so INDEPENDENCE DAY, huzzah! Go America! 

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game) 

The Kingdom of Ehb from Dungeon Siege, what a world that would be to explore! Of course I would want to be kitted out with some sweet gear as it's not the most friendly place to explore.

What does Hakuna Matata mean? And do you agree with the phrase?

I believe it means 'no worries' and no I agree with the phrase in a way because everything I have ever worried about has never happened, so no worries.

Complete the sentence:

Robots need to... Party!

Books can also be used for... Fuel!

I like to having to... Complete these sentences.

Toilet seats... Are useful when they aren't broken

The best thing about Monday's is... Tuesday.

Would you rather... 

Have a guest star part on

A) Saved by the Bell

B) Boy Meets World

C) Kenan & Kel

C- Kenan & Kel for sure! I could be the white guy in class that never gets befriended by the cool kids.

You are in a magic act, would you rather

A) Get cut in half

B) Disappear and reappear

C) Hijack his act and demand he reveal his secrets 

C- Those lousy magicians are all full of lies!

Have a man walk up to you and

A) Give you a pie in the face

B) Put a sticker on your back that says kick me

C) Trip you causing you to fall into a puddle 

A- I always make sure I carry a pie on my person in case such a situation arises, we would temporarily be a comedy act!

Have to have a 3 hour conversation with

A) A very loud talking old man with very bad hearing

B) A self obsessed alien who rolls his eyes every time you say something

C) An ant who is very interesting but keeps trying to prove his strength by lifting you

B- I would just listen to the alien as he tells me about his adventures and what his part of the Universe is like. Hopefully I can understand him.

Be stuck

A) In first class on an airplane surrounded by 5 crying babies

B) In a sewer with your favourite celebrity, who thinks it's your fault

C) With your head in a garden gate

Going back to Kenan & Kel I would probably choose C because it seems like the most fun!

Draw a picture of yourself with a huge smile and giving us the thumbs up. Be as detailed as you wish.

  

 

(original drawing by his friend but given life and realism by @Razor792 himself!)

"Robots need to party." That sums up this interview for me and I could not agree more, get partying!

Check out @Razor792's fantastic sites!

Razor's Retro Game Shelf

His Retro Gaming YouTube Channel  

And his other YouTube Channel - Moron Media