"Star Trek Beyond" Review

ABSOLUTELY NO SPOILERS EDITION!

This is a movie about spacemen. Things happen with the spacemen. Then the spacemen do things.

Score?
I like this movie. I give it 3 bourbon creams and a black jelly baby!

Okay, I'm off to experience bij.

LD's Mini Review of "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"

First things first, from here on we will call the movie "Monkey Island". Much less scary that way!

Okay, onto the review!

I learned a lesson from "Monkey Island" and it was the following...(listen up kids! It's school time!)...

The Lesson I Learned: Humans are idiots. Also "Ape. Not. Kill. Ape".

It's a similar lesson I learned from Animal Farm...

"4 Legs Good, 2 Legs Bad"

Also, I'm not communist. Although I do enjoy the occasional Chinese TV show.

 Oh yeah, please ignore this Chinese movie I starred in...

I GIVE MONKEY ISLAND: 8/10!

That roughly translates (in monkey terms) to: "More fun than a barrel of monkeys going over Niagara Falls! And twice as scary!"

"X-Men: Days Of Future Past" Review

I ate a very tasty sandwich during this movie...

...oh! Also, Picard floats about on a wee mad wheelchair.

Thus, concludes my review of "X-Men: Darts of Future Farts" (original title, by the way)

I give that sandwich: 7/10

Laura D's Opinions on Various Disney Movies 5 - Cinderella

A recurring series that hasn't recurred since 2007 has been revived!

"Laura D's Opinions of Various Disney Movies"

Today? Cinderella!

"Make the dishes, wash the thingys, sumtin sumtin, Cinderelly!"

Now I haven't seen this movie in some time, and before I watched it all I could recall was the Drop Dead Fred quote "No I don't remember what happened with Cinderella. I remember the Ugly Sisters, they were GREAT!"

I really love the look of this movie, everything including Cinders voice is very 1940's (even though it was made in 1950). So it gains points there for me.

But why oh why did they have to make the cat the evil one?? That's too obvious! And it angers me! I'm gonna have to watch Aristocats later to make up for it...

The mice on the other hand, are great. Hilarious even. Watching the scene where they make her the dress makes me think, "hey, maybe that's why Chino is always stealing ribbons....he's making me a dress!" ...I hope anyway....

I also feel like the Ugly Sisters may be related to Olive Oil from Popeye. They're drawn the exact same!

40 minutes into the movie and I'm like

 "WTF? I thought this was the bibbedy bobbedy boo movie, but there's been no bibbedy bobbedy booing! I'm being ripped off!"

42 minutes into the movie, 

"Hmm, still no bibbedy bobbedy boo but there's a fairy Godmother.....wait...MY godmother never made me a dress or gave me a pumpkin! No fair! ...well it's an alright exchange, she made me cardigans and gave me carrot soup."

43 minutes into the movie.

"Hold up. This IS bibbedy bobbedy boo! What the hell am I thinkin of then?! The 3 fairies that were arguing over making the dress pink or blue...what was that? I thought THAT was bibbedy bobbedy boo! Am comfused."

(And yes I DID write COMFUSED. CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM)

Best Scene? This one!



Conclusion? It IS the bibbedy bobbedy boo movie.

I liked Cinderella and it's pretty short, only 74 minutes long, which is a plus in my books.


Rating? 7/10

BIBBEDY BOBBEDY BOO!

The Amazing Spider-Man Review

I will start by saying this, in the past I have avoided watching any Spiderman stuff because I do not like SPIDERS. I do, however, like people who squish spiders for me...but that is besides the point! I decided today, I shall give Mr Spidey a chance.

Little did I realize that half of Spiderman is set in high school, American high school no less. So that brought up some relatability problems. I will say that if you're American you may have no problem watching this movie. ...I will also say that in comparison to this movie, I was able to relate to Abraham Lincoln hunting down vampires.

Half way through the movie I pretty much gave up and got my phone out to chat with my brother, I think it's best if I just post that conversation to give you a fuller appreciation of what I was going through...

me: Buddy

 Paul: hello!

  phone

 me: am in Spiderman

 Paul: aaaaaaaah

 me: its driving me bananas

 Paul: how is dis possible

  hahahahaa

 me: hahhhah

 Paul: what do u see

3:43 PM me: A man in a lab coat Hahhahah

 Paul: aaaaaaaaahahahaha

 me: I'll tell u how bad it is

  id rather be watching saved by the bell with a spider next to me

3:44 PM Paul: hahahahahaha

3:47 PM me: Cheesy lines and faces galore

 Paul: hhahaha

  typical spiderboy

  spiderbob

 me: yep

3:48 PM I'd rather watch 56 hours of spongebob, 1 ep repeated over and over

  Hahhaha

 Paul: Squidward!

  PAAAATrick

3:49 PM me: hahhahaRight now spiderboy is having dinner with his girlfriends parents

6 minutes

3:56 PM me: Want a pic?

 Paul: i

3:57 PM me: Ko hold on

3:58 PM Goin in dbox

 Paul: hahahhah

  looks like dennis leary

  oh wait is it

 me: it is!

 Paul: ahahahahah

 me:

3:59 PM ill take another when spiderboy is on

 Paul: ko

4:03 PM me: Dennis Learys nose looks big on the big screen

  If I may

 Paul: aaaaaaaaahaaah#

4:04 PM me: hahah

4:07 PM Spiderboy pic goin in dropbox

 Paul: webs

  hes a webmaster

  hahahhaa

 me: yep

4:08 PM hhahahahha he is!

 Paul: for further information please contact the webmaster.

 me: Hahaha

  What's that Spiderman poem?

  peter parker picked a pep of pickled peppers

 Paul: hahahahah

 me: Hahahhahah

4:13 PM  This movie could use a black guy 

That about sums it up for me.

I give this movie 3/10
(If you like white American teenagers in high school acting cheesy and listening to Coldplay then you may give this movie a higher rating)

Men In Black 3 Review (No Spoilers, yay!)

I'm doing my best to write this without spoilers, but there may be some clues...

First off, the story: Agent J has to go back in time to change something so that Agent K doesn't die, oh and also to save Earth. (vague enough?)

I'm not gonna lie, I like this movie. People were properly in character and there was a good balance between comedy and realistic...ness.

It was a BILLION times better that MIB2, so all of you people worrying about that (like I was) you can freely go see it now.

As for the villain? He's annoying enough that you're on the good side and want him dead, but not so annoying that you want him off the screen.

There was also one part that reminded me of a scene from one of the Back to the Future movies (when you see it you'll know what I'm talking about).

And it came with a very nice ending. VERY nice. Satisfying even!

I would like to say more but then I'll turn into a spoiler machine, so I'll stop at that :D

I give this movie 8/10!

"Rise of the Planet of the Apes"

Here is your basic plot of the movie:

(spoilers not included)

So there is this guy who thinks he has come up with a cure for Alzheimer's, but he has to test it on apes first. By coincidence his father (John Lithgow) also has Alzheimer's, this makes him forget he was in Harry and the Hendersons, thus causing him to accept an ape into his home.

I liked this movie a lot, I give it 7.5 out of 10!

On a side note, according to the movie if a monkey has green eyes it means it's smart. So that means I'm a smart monkey too! Yay!

Laura D Reviews "Transformers Dark of the Moon"

First of all, yes, I went to the 3d version. And yes, the glasses were too big for my head so I couldn't put my head against the back of the chair without it pushing the 3d glasses off my face. Now onto the review!

Let me start with the positives, the special effects were cool and the robots were the best part of the movie.

Now, the rest....

How about I put it like this? Did you like Boy Meets World but thought it wasn't cheesy enough for you? Do you need an extra large ham salad on the side of all that cheese? If so, you will love Transformers. In fact, look at the main characters in both!

Twins! I have to say, I don't know which of these is Transformers and which is Boy Meets World.

Transformers! Robots IN disguise! A misleading song, seeing as the robots are only in disguise for about 3 seconds, the rest of the time they are robots.

But seriously, if you like sitting down for a long long time, you're gonna like this movie.

I give this movie 2 out of 10!
It gets 7 out of 10 if you go see the first 5 mins then leave the theater for 1 hour 30 mins then come back and watch the last hour.

20 Days Til Halloween!!

We shall celebrate today with a Laura D movie review of "Hocus Pocus"!

Story of 3 witches who were sentenced to die 300 years ago and now they are back. I for one am glad they are back, cause if they weren't it'd be a movie about children.

As I recall, from my childhood, the most annoying person in this movie is Max. I remember thinking that guy is so cheesy and annoying and I want to punch him. Later I found out that in the story he has moved to Salem from Los Angeles....now it makes sense why he is cheesy and annoying and I want to punch him.

Anyhow, the witches are clearly the best part of this movie, I love when Winnie shouts on her book "Boooooook!".

By the way, I liked that other kid better when he was turned into an immortal cat.

Best Scene: When the witches brooms are stolen so Mary has to use a hoover to fly!

Worst Scene: Anything with the children. I even prefer the 2 bullies over the cheesy children!

I saw this movie was on the Disney Channel a while ago so I thought I'd watch for a bit. It got to the part where the zombie (whose mouth is stitched closed) uses a knife on his mouth to cut it open and dust and moths fly out. And they cut that scene out! How dare they! Plus it doesn't make any sense cause it's a Disney movie so how can they cut it out on the Disney Channel?! You guys are insane. Let children see the reality of cutting your mouth open to let the moths fly out.

I give this movie 4/5
(It would have gotten 5 but as I mentioned many times...cheesy children!!)