so he's used but in excellent condition.
OH AND HE'S A DWARFER!!!!
Are
you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it
against your will?
It’s
against my will, but that’s just pure coincidence. I don’t know
why I got it out anyway. It doesn’t even get read out until after
I’ve died. I’ve put it away again.
State
your name and purpose:
Hi
comrades. My name is Phil, and my purpose? I’m an advertising
producer and in charge of the music we play at 96.5 Bolton FM: a tiny
radio station in the sunny Northwest of England.
What
is the best soda?
Crystals.
They’re great for unblocking sinks and general cleaning. Try it,
you’ll never look back.
Aladdin
is letting you borrow his magic carpet for the day. Where do you fly
to? And would you rather take Jasmine or Abu with you?
I’d
tell him thanks, but I’d decline to take either of them. Abu would
probably just jump all over me and be generally annoying, whereas
Jasmine would sit there in a sulk because I’m not taking her where
she wants to go. If I’ve been loaned a flying carpet, I’d go
where I want to go. Where would that be? Probably to a carpet shop
and ask if I could speak to the Manager about it.
They've
taken Mr Rimmer. Sir! They've taken Mr Rimmer! What do you do?
Quick!
Let’s get out of here before they bring him back!!
If
you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a
game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)
It
wouldn’t be Monopoly. I’d soon get fed up with that because it
goes on forever. I used to LOVE playing Chuckie Egg 2 on the ZX
Spectrum, so I’d probably be Henhouse Harry. I’d just have to be
careful that I grabbed on to the ropes and didn’t slide down to my
death on a pod that blows bubbles.
The
sun or the moon? Who has a better reputation?
The
moon. People can just stare at it in wonder, and we’ve visited it,
which you can’t do with the sun; you’d just go blind and burn up
respectively. Plus, it’s one or the other with some people and the
sun. They either love it and sit in it all day, or they moan about it
being out again because it’s ‘Too Hot’ and do anything to get
out of being in it generally.
If
you had to be repeatedly kicked by a kitten, what would you like that
kitten's name to be? And what colour fur would he have?
I’d
just never be in that situation. Now THAT reminds me of the giant
kitten in The Goodies from the 1970s. I wouldn’t want to be within
ten miles of something that had grown to that size.
Complete
the sentence:
My
school was the worst for... years, until it got a newer, more strict
head.
The
postman should...stop regenerating. I’m sure he’s getting to the
end of his allocated lives.
Crackers
are useful for...nothing really. Never seen the point of them. *BANG*
(if it happens), rubbish joke, end. Then someone has to tidy them up.
I
used to like...everything I like now. The only thing I won’t do
now, is tape the top 40. No point really, AND Woolworths has closed,
so I can’t buy tapes any more.
Seagulls
need to...try a supermarket’s own mini-cheddars. They’ll never
know the difference.
Would
you rather...
Spend
a week as
A)
A Teletubby of your choice
B)
Barney the Dinosaur
C)
Bear in the Big Blue House
None.
I don’t like dressing up. Plus, that Tubby Custard machine needs
looking at. It’s dangerous.
Be
trapped inside
A)
A spring roll
B)
A sausage roll
C)
A ravioli
If
I ever came across a sausage roll that was bigger than me, I’d
gladly step inside and close the door.
Lose
your sense of
A)
Smell
B)
Timing
C)
Fashion
Of
all three, Fashion. If you lose your sense of smell, you can’t
taste, so I’d never enjoy a curry again. I just couldn’t possible
imagine losing my sense of timing either. I need that to function in
my job. So, fashion it has to be, and judging by some fashions out
there at the moment, who’d actually care?
Have
to have a nice conversation with
A)
A very insulting monkey
B)
A know it all meerkat
C)
A plant who won't let you get a word in edge wise
I’ve
had conversations with A and B already, or people who look like them,
so it’d have to be C. And the ONLY one I’d want to talk to is the
Aspidistra from The Adventure Game.
Have
A)
Antlers
B)
Rabbit Ears
C)
A lovely mane
All
three. I’d call myself a Lioneerbit. The mane would annoy me
though, especially in summer, so there’d have to be a caveat that I
could shave it off.
Draw
a picture of yourself doing your best dance move. Be as detailed as
you wish.
Here’s
me doing my best dance move. Unfortunately, I’m in the room to the
left of this picture as it’s a wedding buffet room I’ve drawn,
I’m at the wedding, but in the function room next door. There’s a
good spread on. It’s drawn on the back of an eBay receipt.
Check out more from Phil, seeing as you're here:
