Twitter Interview #20 @RETR0JOE

 The honour of our 20th Twitter Interview goes to the hilarious and cool, and cool-ly hilarious and hilariously cool.....@RETR0JOE!! Yaaay!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

*Looks at guy holding a machete doing a cut throat gesture…
 Yes…Who the hell is Will? 

State your name and purpose: 

I'm Joe. My purpose in life is to play video games. 

Jiminy Cricket, the Mouse from Dumbo or Baloo. Who would be your preferred mentor?

Jiminy cricket so I could keep him with me at all times, also if he gets annoying I could just flick him away 

You just won a years supply! But of what? 

Money. If money isn't allowed my answer would be lottery tickets 

A ballerina just badmouthed you to a local newspaper. What did she say and why does she dislike you? 

She said I'm flat footed because I stood on her toes during swan lake 

I'll have a black coffee with 3 sugars, what will you have? 

What have you got? 

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game) 

GTA 3 or Doom. I like to kill things 

I think buttocks is a funny word. What word amuses you? 

Fanny…because Americans think its something else. 


Complete the sentence:

Emotions are... Depressing 

When martians land, I want to... Steal their space ship 

I have too many... Space ships 

My pinky toe likes to... Run all the way home 

Crying is a good way to... Get my self to sleep at night

Would you rather... 

Be best friends with

A) A moth who is afraid of light

B) The fastest sloth in the world

C) A monkey. Any monkey. A monkey of your choice and you can name him. 

A because moths fascinate me, I call them the butterfly's of the night 

Work as

A) A window washer, but you can only use your spit to clean the windows

B) A gardener during a storm

C) Assistant to David Cameron 

C) so I can disagree with everything he is saying and suggest stupid things like banning porn to get his reputation down. 

Be

A) A fly flying dangerously close to a giant spider web

B) A small mouse who has to run past a hungry cat to get home

C) A postman delivering letters to an angry dog 

C. So I could write the dog a letter telling him/her to chill out. 

Wear

A) A tie that's too heavy and hurts your neck

B) Shoes that are too hard and hurt your feet

C) An obvious toupee 

C) so it can attract the attention away from the fact I'm not wearing any pants 

Get the gift of

A) Play-doh

B) Plasticine

C) Clay 

A. I love the smell of play doh. It's in my top 3 list of smells besides petrol and unsmoked tobacco 

Draw a picture of yourself as a 1930s detective. Be as detailed as you wish.

 

Check out more from Joe!

RETR0JOE on YouTube!

And of course, follow him on his Twitter @RETR0JOE

Chino and the Lab Scientist

Yes, I made a comic strip. Starring the one and only Chino the Hamster with our good friend The Lab Scientist!

Drawn by Laura D

Twitter Interview #19 @wulluv

 Our 19th Twitter Interviewee is the great @wulluv! Unbeknownst to me, a fabulous draw-er, as you will see at the end of THIS VERY INTERVIEW.

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will? 

I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the Communist Party, "concealed" or otherwise.

State your name and purpose: 

 My name is Wullie or WULL*E.  I’m on a mission of self discovery.

What is the funniest road sign? 

"One way tree"

You just won a years supply! But of what? 

 Condoms, to stop overpopulation.

Mitt Romney. How does he spend his time nowadays? 

Counting his money.

A spaceship just landed on Earth, right outside your house. An small alien emerges and asks you what the best foods on your planet are. How do you respond? 

Twinkies because it’s the best introduction to our superficial, self-destructive culture.

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game) 

Trivial Pursuit would provide endless possibilities for going places and meeting famous people.

You just gained the ability to fly. Where do you fly to first? And do you talk to the birds while you're up there? 

First, I would circle the globe then talk with the birds at mission control.

Complete the sentence:

The silliest things happen when...you forget to zip up your fly.

Snow White should have...become a mormon and married the seven dwarfs.

When I'm sad...I write in my diary.

A grumpy 10 year old needs...to hang out with one of the seven dwarfs.

I have invented...reusable toilet paper.

Would you rather...Is this question a part of the multiple choices?

At 3pm be
A) Taking a nap
B) Having a snack
C) On a magic carpet ride

C) So I can avoid rush hour.

At a theme park
A) Only ride rollercoasters
B) Only play in the arcade
C) Only eat and drink and make fun of people who puke after getting off the rollercoasters

B) So I can avoid the fate of those who choose A and end up like C.

Stand on
A) A slug with just your socks on
B) a pile of nettles with no socks on
C) a painting that just took you an hour to do

C) Would probably improve the painting.

Have to
A) Give away your most prized possession
B) Keep that prized possession but pay a $100 fine in order to keep it
C) Steal someone else's prized possession and give that away instead

A) And take a huge tax deduction.

Instead of walking
A) Hop everywhere
B) Dance everywhere
C) Sneak everywhere

B) Only if I could be Fred Astaire paired with Ginger Rogers.

Draw a picture of yourself, be as detailed as you wish.

Check out @wulluv's other sites!

On Facebook

On Reverbnation

Twitter Interview #18 @sauldraws

 Our 18th Twitter Interview is with the very funny @sauldraws!

Good friend of my husband and so, "good friend in law" of me. I think that's the term.

Interview time!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will? 

I was told there would be cake, I see no cake! can we come back to this question perhaps after we find some cake? 

State your name and purpose: 

You can call me Sauldraws, or Saul, or anything as long as there's cake 

You have been cloned, what do you name your clone? 

Bob 

You are only allowed to use one type of drawing implement for the rest of your life. What do you choose? 

Sanford col-erase #20045 in carmine red, my favorite red pencil 

If a panda could wear clothes, what would his outfit be? 

Air Jordans, Lederhosen and a Madonna Pointy Bra 

You just won a years supply! But of what? 

Popcorn and Truffle salt 

Don King asks your oldest male relative to take part in a boxing match. Do you allow it and do you cheer him on? And what would the signs from his supporters say? 

Let him fight, Rather than going, I'll watch it on Pay-per-View, I'll cheer him on, but I'll never tell him that - I guess the signs would say 'Don't lead with your face' and possibly 'take a dive' 

The war on women, the war on Christmas, the war on drugs. Which is the best? 

I'm anti-christmas, much like the grinch, before the highly-unrealistic ending, not fan of the ending. 

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game) 

Wow, that's a tough question, I love to shop - I'd love to play real-life Monopoly 

Make a motto using the following letters MHISD (an acronym, if you will) 

My Hat is Silk Damisk 

What's the worst thing that could result from taking part in this interview? 

I might get mistaken for One Direction or Margaret Cho 

Complete the sentence:

Twitter needs to... kill the robots and zombies 

Monsters never even...try to slow dance 

Abe Lincoln's hat always wanted...to see the end of the show 

I have only one... but I'll give you half 

Only the craziest...get invited to my party 

Would you rather...

Live in a house made out of

A) Lego (too blocky)

B) Gingerbread (I'd be homeless in a week)

C) Many, many tv's (this one) 

You are Edward Snowden, you would rather hide out

A) On Prince Edward Island

B) Anywhere snowy

C) This is a stupid question 

D) Narnia

A horror movie is being based on your life. You are being portrayed as

A) a Ventriloquist dummy (no)

B) A psychotic clown (no)

C) a possessed child (perhaps)

D) Ann Coulter (definitely not)

 

Be stuck in a ventilation duct with

A) A talkative Mickey Mouse (his voice would grate on me - but I'm a sucker for a mouse in shorts)

B) A trigger happy and jumpy Yosemite Sam (I'd be okay with this if we had a hairbrush - Sam needs a brush out)

C) An emotionally unstable Popeye (This would be tiresome - him yammering about what he yis, and wanting yams, that would be too much for me) 

You just lost your hand in a horrific marbles championship. You request that your hand be:

A) Frozen (I hate being cold)

B) Stuffed (with what?, can I get it stuffed with Hostess Twinkie Cream?)

C) Pickled (I'm not sure my hand would fit in one of those jars) 

Draw a picture of yourself holding at least one object. Be as detailed as you wish.

 Go follow Saul over at his Twitter, DO IT NOW!

@sauldraws

"The Wolverine" Review by Laura D

First things first, I like that woman's socks. Watch the movie, you'll see the socks. I like em.

Second of all, and some may argue less important of all, there's these Yakuza guys in it. This bunch of wee guys who dress impeccably and some have little beards, so obviously I'm gonna be on their side. They sometimes shouted "iiiiiikkke!!!" Which reminded me of General Tani...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypb2w4byAiM

SPOILER ALERT: My guys don't win.
SPOILER ALERT FOR ALL MOVIES: My guys NEVER win.

Oh and there's this Wolverine guy in it too.

Also, I would opine that there are too many white women in it. We were doing fine with a mostly Asian cast then the white women have to pop in. I yearn for the days we have to ask "where the white women at?"

I give this movie 1 pog out of 10. This is actually a better rating than you think because pogs are rare nowadays and to have 1 pog is to have many pogs. POGS!

Twitter Interview #17 @emileewhemilee

 Our 15th Twitter Interview is with the very funny mummy @emileewhemilee!!

I swear, she is one of the nicest people on Twitter and you should follow her right this second. It's Friday so consider it an #FF!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will? 

I am very happy to comply with this interview. 

State your name and purpose:

My name is Emily Riner and I am still not 100% certain of my purpose. The fun part is finding that out, right? I am, however, currently the owner/operator of a home-daycare, mother of 2 children, step-mother to 1, caretaker of many pets, and wife to an amazing man.

What is the funniest feeling?

The funniest feeling is watching my kids grow old and act exactly like me, and what I assume my husband acted like as a child. It’s like a glimpse into the past.

Shaggy, Velma, Fred or Daphne? Who would you rather ghost hunt with?

Shaggy, for sure! He and Scooby always had the most fun, even if they were the ones to get caught by the ghost and held as ransom. They would make me laugh the entire time, which is important since I am terrified of ghosts and spirits. Well evil ones anyway.

You just won a years supply! But of what?

The first thing that came to mind was milk! We drink between 3-6 gallons a week and a year’s supply would be wonderful. My brain is incapable of thinking of a non-essential item; sadly this is a casualty due to my adulthood responsibilities.

You just discovered a 3 foot monster living in your house. He asks you for asylum to continue living there. What do you tell him? And what do you name him?

It would have to be a cute monster, like one of Monster’s Inc, and I would tell him yes as long as he kills all spiders that he encounters. I would name him Frank, a good practical name.

Make a motto using the following letters LNIOS (an acronym, if you will)

Love

Not

Indifferent

Onion

Slime

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

Candy land! The worst thing that can happen to you in that game is you get stuck in the Molasses Swamp and have to eat your way out. Definitely my type of lifestyle: Candy for everyone!

An 80 yr old man asks you how the internet works. Explain the internet using a series of lies.

I would explain that the internet is made up and doesn’t actually exist. It is a government conspiracy, much like the first man walking on the moon. He must point and yell at whoever tells him differently because they are trying to brainwash him.

Complete the sentence:

An ant can jump higher than me but I can...squish his ass.

No cupboard in my house contains...bat brains. We have everything else.

More reality shows would be...a travesty to mankind.

I have the greatest...guinea pig in the world!

Cheese usually...is double fisted by my 4 year old.

Would you rather...

Be walking down the street and

A) Get splashed by 3 passing cars in a row

B) Have a small child run up to you, kick your shin then run away giggling

C) Realize you can understand what ants on the sidewalk are saying to each other, but that they are saying bad things about you

B) It happens to me daily and really isn’t that bad once you get used to it.

Rinse your mouth with mouthwash that tastes like

A) Dog poo

B) Cat pee

C) Mint...but then realize someone else just spat that stuff back in the bottle

C) Mint. I’m sure that the mouthwash chemicals would kill their germs before they infected me. Also, it would have most likely been one of my kids or my husband that spat it back in the bottle. I already am subjected to them on a daily basis, so it wouldn’t be so bad. I definitely would puke at A & B!

Spend an hour

A) With a tiny dog that is non-stop yapping

B) Having an imaginary tea party with a 5 yr old girl

C) Have a tea party with THE ACTUAL TEA PARTY

B) Again, that is something that is pretty normal here. Kids say some amazing things when you take the time to listen :-)

Get caught

A) Stealing cookies from the cookie jar

B) Stealing rookies from the rookie jar

C) What is a rookie jar?

C) What in the world is a rookie jar? Is it full of athletes? I’d def steal some rookies out of that jar ;)

You killed Professor Plum in

A) The Ballroom

B) The Billiard Room

C) The Conservatory

B) There are more weapons handy in the Billiard Room.

Please explain why you killed Professor Plum and tell us which weapon you used (anything you say may be held against you in a court of law)

I caught Professor Plum trying to steal my candy, so he had to go. I did it with a pool stick, smashed that old boy’s head right on in. But in all seriousness, I did not kill anyone and have a very solid alibi for that night.

Draw a picture of yourself if you were a bunny rabbit. Be as detailed as you wish.

 She merges reality with imaginary, look at that!

And as I said, it's Friday so go follow her...

@emileewhemilee

Twitter Interview #16 @Rachelskingdom

 Our 16th Twitter Interview is with up and coming stand up comedian @Rachelskingdom!

She's hilarious, oh so sweet and I hope to see her one day at the San Jose Improv!

 

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

 

Extremely :)

 

State your name and purpose:

 

Rachel Renee.  I'm here to absorb your laughter.

 

What is the best insect?

 

Fireflies (on so many levels)

 

You just won a years supply! But of what?

 

Money.  Of course.  Lots of money.

 

Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly. What do you gotta do?

 

Make people laugh, or fail trying. 

 

If I asked you to play charades right now, what would you mime? 

 

Playing a really old school Nintendo game, where you tried to make a wiimote before it was a thing. 

 

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game) 

 

Uh, Legend of Zelda, of course.  However it would be pretty fricken scary...all those stalfos and ghosties.  Good thing I'm prepped on how to handle that (thanks Supernatural) 

 

If you could travel back in time to your childhood, what toy would you steal from your child self to bring back to 2013? 

 

My cabbage patch big wheel (it was pink).  Just in case you were wondering, I have my NES from when I was a kid, so no need for that trip :) 

 

You just met Bugs Bunny. Is he as cool as we think he is? And what does he smell like? 

 

He smells like Charmkins...and if you are old enough to remember that, then you're old enough to know Bugs is a real D*CK. 

 

 

Complete the sentence: 

 

My left hand usually...prefers to be called "The Correct One" (though I am not left handed) 

 

Twitter would be better if...my friends were real. 

 

Microscopic germs lead a life of...luxury.  Tons of food, and generally, nothing to stop them. 

 

Make like a tree and...obstruct piping under peoples homes. 

 

I don't like when...people think I'm wrong 

 

 

Would you rather... 

 

Be stuck in an elevator with

*A) A lethargic Giraffe

B) A curious cat

C) A reassuring ghost

 

Carpool with

A) A child who keeps messing with the radio and changing seats

B) A co-worker who secretly hates you and the feeling is mutual

*C) An overly religious person who is trying to convert you against your will

 

Have your skin

A) Have leopard spots

*B) Have tiger stripes

C) Be covered in feathers from a bird of your choice

 

Have someone confuse you with

A) A fat actor

*B) A bad actor

C) Your mortal enemy

 

Eat

A) Too much

B) Too little

**C) Fish and Chips. Mmm, Fish and Chips.

 

 

Draw a picture of yourself doing a jig. Be as detailed as you wish.

 

 

Now go follow her before she gets too famous and need I say, too good for the likes of you!

 

@Rachelskingdom

Root Beer Making!

Yeah, you can MAKE root beer. Does "root beer" need to be capitalized? Root Beer? Well maybe I'll capitalize on it just like these crazy mofos...

Anyhoo, my major problem with this Root Beer making kit was the instructions. And to be specific, the lack of face on this guy

Faceless and nameless. It was too sad, SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE. So I did it. And I'm sure he'd be happy with the plastic surgery I doodled onto him. Allowing him to see. To feel. To love. TO MAKE ROOT BEER.

Look at him there, proudly pouring his "stuff".

Yeah so anyway, we made root beer. Sorry! Root Beer! And it shall be ready in 1-3 days.

Twitter Interview #15 @transrants

 Our 15th Twitter Interview is with the very funny Fraser from @transrants!! (Transatlantic Rants) Read on and find out just why a bar of soap set him an ultimatum AND what happened to his beloved teddy bear...

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

More than happy. Well, a bit more than happy.

State your name and purpose:

Fraser from The Transatlantic Rants. Here to unleash my talented co-host Jeremy into the wild.

What emotion is the most stupid?

Jealousy, quickly followed by anger.

If you had the chance, would you go into a shoe store and swap the sizes on all the shoes then watch the ensuing chaos? Or do you have another store you would like to cause chaos in?

Alas, I am conditioned to quietly sit on a stool in shoe stores until I am released by my wife. Let’s go tear it up in the Apple store.

You just won a years supply! But of what?

Beer. I gave up drinking two years ago.

Pat a cake, pat a cake baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can. Can you bake anything? And also, what does pat a cake mean?

I can have peanut-butter cookies ready to go in a flash. Pat a cake? Sometimes you have to slap that dough.

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

Minecraft. Hands down. Set to peaceful mode and creative mode. No zombies and skeletons.

Say something good about kids today:

They are on holiday, so work commutes are better.

A bar of soap just set you an ultimatum. Why?

It’s at war with the shower gel. 

Complete the sentence:

Freckles only serve to... embarrass young boys trying to grow up.

The best thing from my childhood was...my sister.

A weird thing about caterpillars is... they have no other job but to eat.

My nose likes to... be the center of attention.. on my face..and it’s winning that battle.

Bowling can be... fun. So I’m told

Would you rather...

Have to wear

A) An ice cream hat in a sauna

B) A chocolate hat on a sunny beach

C) A cat in a hat, upon your head

A) more private, no bugs, and I’ll probably be near a shower.

At 6am be

A) Just waking up

B) Just going to sleep

C) Eating ice cream and talking to ghosts

A) In my clubbing days it used to be B) and C), but now I love the mornings.

Go for 3 days

A) Wearing gloves (no taking them off)

B) Eating only peanuts

C) Replacing walking with dancing

A) The other two would make me ‘nuts’

Be a guest star on

A) Mork & Mindy

B) Taxi

C) Frasier

C) C) C) !!! I’ve never watched the show, but ever since it aired, my name is constantly spelled differently. I’d like to have a rant with the culprits.

Have to

A) Sweep the floor of a large room

B) Mop the floor of a small room

C) Get dog poo on your shoes and dirty the floor of a medium sized room

A) Sweeping is pretty relaxing. Mopping requires too much effort, and C) is just plain nasty.

 

Draw a picture of yourself holding your favourite childhood toy/stuffed animal. Be as detailed as you wish.

Fantastic interview and I leave you with a note from @transrants himself!

 

Thanks for the interview! Come along and find me on The Transatlantic Rants podcast and The GamePunchers podcast.

www.transatlanticrants.com

www.gamepunchers.com