Job Application to CNN

Dear CNN,

I would like to work with your network and have included my photo. As you can see I have a face on that says I don't like the "spin" you're giving me, what's the truth here.

Also, as I know your network avoids taking a stance on issues, I shall be using this face on both Democrats and Republicans. This way I can stick to your agenda of annoying everyone.

I may not have as much grey as Anderson Cooper or as much outright smarm as Piers Morgan, but I think I can do the job. I even propose that I wear patches on my arms with various logos on them so you don't have to cut to adverts every 3 minutes.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Laura D

Look How Cool I Am

Click for larger view

Or at least cool I think I am.

Christmas 2011 Poem

Hurry up Mr Santa
I hope you don't have asthma
Cause flying in the sky
Would make your lungs cry

I know you're pretty fat
So don't sit on my cat
When you come to my house
He's there to catch the mouse

I've left out a carrot
Please let the reindeers at it
I know they work real hard
Forever landing in the yards

Please leave my gifts under the tree
Or I'll release the killer bee
Now there's a nice Claus
I give you lots of applause

By Laura D

Me and a Cat

That's all this post is.

May I Drag Your Attention....

to the clock on the right of your screen!!

Cowgirl D!

Yes, that's me, Cowgirl D.

My YouTube Channel

As a reminder, I'm uploading Halloween style videos just about everyday to my youtube channel! Go see!

http://www.youtube.com/user/LauraDxiaojie?feature=mhee

Spot The Cat Competition

It's like spot the ball but with a cat! Find him!

See him? You could win the mystery prize!

Odds on the Next President of the United States

"Rise of the Planet of the Apes"

Here is your basic plot of the movie:

(spoilers not included)

So there is this guy who thinks he has come up with a cure for Alzheimer's, but he has to test it on apes first. By coincidence his father (John Lithgow) also has Alzheimer's, this makes him forget he was in Harry and the Hendersons, thus causing him to accept an ape into his home.

I liked this movie a lot, I give it 7.5 out of 10!

On a side note, according to the movie if a monkey has green eyes it means it's smart. So that means I'm a smart monkey too! Yay!

Dedicated to the News of the World (and newspaper fans)

Old people tell me
That newspapers are good
Have investigative reporters
Tell news like they should
And when it comes to cable news
They say they love ratings
Love adverts and money
It's all for their takings

I've never liked newspapers
But try not to hold grudges
Even when my fingers
Get covered in black smudges
It's a waste of paper
But none the less
Let the old people
Have their written press

So where are they now?
Those people with such conviction
Who were trying to prove
Their precious non-fiction
You said the newspapers were good
Tell news like they should
And the journalists were practically
Your own Robin Hood

By Laura D
(That's me!!!!)

Taking Over From the News Of The World

I hereby claim the space left by the News of the World, including all readers and revenues.

Read all the latest headlines on my twitter account. It'll be like the NOTW never died.

CLICK HERE FOR LATEST AND GREATEST HEADLINES

Trees, A Poem

"Trees

Unlike me

Can be tall

Or like me

Can be small

But they are still

Trees"

I'm expert at saying things that seem like they have deep meaning, when in fact, they mean nothing at all. Yeah boy!

Laura D Reviews "Transformers Dark of the Moon"

First of all, yes, I went to the 3d version. And yes, the glasses were too big for my head so I couldn't put my head against the back of the chair without it pushing the 3d glasses off my face. Now onto the review!

Let me start with the positives, the special effects were cool and the robots were the best part of the movie.

Now, the rest....

How about I put it like this? Did you like Boy Meets World but thought it wasn't cheesy enough for you? Do you need an extra large ham salad on the side of all that cheese? If so, you will love Transformers. In fact, look at the main characters in both!

Twins! I have to say, I don't know which of these is Transformers and which is Boy Meets World.

Transformers! Robots IN disguise! A misleading song, seeing as the robots are only in disguise for about 3 seconds, the rest of the time they are robots.

But seriously, if you like sitting down for a long long time, you're gonna like this movie.

I give this movie 2 out of 10!
It gets 7 out of 10 if you go see the first 5 mins then leave the theater for 1 hour 30 mins then come back and watch the last hour.

A New Form Of Poetry, Invented by Laura D

First of all, here's how it works:

You write in 2 columns
You must be able to read left to right (as if the columns weren't there)
And you must be able to read down the 2 columns

It's sort of a sudoku poetry! And man, it's hard.

So here's a poem I wrote on an airplane last week...

Flying                 high
in the                   air
conciousness     is like
"I am                   me"

I especially like the "I am high" part. I think we all like that part.

The Cat - Photos by Me

She is licking her nose and winking at me, I think this means she likes me

My STARmeter

Click the image to zoom in. According to IMDB, my star rating is up by one million percent! I have no idea what this means. I imagine it's a good thing?

Birthday Poem

My birthday is on Wednesday so I've decided to write a poem to honour myself...

Never had a birthday cake

Or a birthday party

Never had a boat by the lake

Or drawn a pic that's arty

Oh man, this is depressing...Oh I know something to write about!

Monkey nuts, monkey nuts

Get them at Halloween

Monkey nuts, monkey nuts

They're sort of like a bean!

Yeah boy! 153 days til HALLOWEEN!

CNN Typo

Just saw this on CNN International and took the photo as fast as I could.

The Daily Show

First of all, I realized I have to post something today because the number of posts I've done on this blog is 666!! :O But with this post it'll be 667, so you can all relax.

Okay, I thought people in America might want to know this: when the Daily Show with Jon Stewart is shown on tv over here, there is no bleeps! Yes, that's right, we can hear the swearing. I remember when I was in America I watched it and even though it is 11pm they get bleeped. But over here? No bleeps.

Just thought you might like to know, and do with this knowledge whatever you please. Now run free, little blog readers! Run free!

Two Theories by Laura D

Theory 1

People who claim to be "realists" are in fact pessimists. You ever notice how they tell you they are a realist right before they tell you something awful that is going to happen? They never seem to say, "I'm a realist, that's how I know I'm gonna have fun at this theme park today".
Point....PROVEN!

Theory 2

The more money someone has the poorer a place they want to go on holiday to. I really don't feel the need to give evidence for this one, I'll just tell you to watch out for it...when your richest friend tells you they are going Zimbabwe on holiday. Or your poorest friend tells you they want to go to America on holiday. Watch out for it! I'm telling you! The more money you have the poorer places you want to go!
Point....almost proven....

Yesterday's Vote

Here's proof I voted! Yes to av :D

The Story of The Cat

Several days ago a cat was sitting in my garden, (for those who don't already know, I love cats) so as you do, I ran out there as fast as I could to take a photo of her with my phone. She saw me and ran...and I chased her, like some feline paparazzi.

She was gone and all I got was this photo...

But the next night she came back and actually stuck around, I played with her and petted her. I noticed at this point she is pregnant! So my mind starts buzzing with "ooh, I could steal her kittens!!!" and such...

For the last few days she has come back everynight. 2 nights ago I let her in and she didn't want to leave so I let her sleep in my bed. She was very strange though, as you can see in this photo she likes to sleep like a human, body on the bed and head on the pillow!

Also, with her face right in my face!

I would like to take this opportunity to say if you are a stray and would like to sleep in bed with me, you know where to find me. NOTE: this only applies to stray cats...not stray humans.

Anyway! I really hope she comes here when she is going to deliver her kittens, it's much safer for her and the kittens to be here than out on the streets. Plus I want to steal her kittens!!

Damn, just realized I posted a photo of me with no make up.

Have a Need to Know More About Little Laura D?

Go visit the amazing site all about funny women, "Funny Not Slutty"! CLICK HERE to see their interview with me :D

And if you're on facebook, why not drop in on them there too? Right here.

To Make Someone Smile

The pink guy is Junior Warmheart. He's my best friend. Best bear friend anyway.

Being Laura D

For anyone who has ever wondered what it is like to be me, here is your answer...

...although I can in fact see in colour.

Laura D in her Bedroom

If you click for the larger images you can see the mole on my back behind my right shoulder. Also...I think my mirror needs to be dusted...any volunteers? :D

Update!

And I think it's time for bullet points! Yay!

• I started a brand new blog dedicated to all things of style CLICK HERE. I have so far been posting there everyday.
• I've been looking at photos I've taken but haven't yet processed and decided I'll process the rest of those good ones and post them before I take new photos. CLICK HERE for those photos. (I'll be posting more over the next few days, there are a few up there already)
• And my Deadliest Catch parody is up on youtube! "Catchiest Boats"! And here is reason to watch it: Discovery UK said they loved it! Will you love it too? CLICK HERE to find out.

"Catchiest Boats"

My new vid up on youtube! Actually filmed last Summer, but only finished editing today...



Enjoy and please rate and comment! Thanks!

The Dog Behind The Fence

The dog behind the fence
Please don't take offense
Cause it's simply common sense
That cats are better

They're incredibly cool
They don't ever drool
And I know they won't be
tomorrow's April Fool

Judging by the photo
You're looking quite sad
Maybe indeed
You're not so bad

I'll just put down
this baseball bat
And go straight home
to my little toy cat

By Laura D

I wish I had a real cat!

My shadow and a fence shadow

Taken today...

I'll let you guess which one is me.

Out in the Snow

I have a cold (ever since I took photos in the snow a couple days ago), so I had to walk to the shops today to get some cold medicine. It's a 12 minute walk there and a 15 minute walk back home (cause it's uphill on the way home). Anyway, it was snowing...heavily!

So I took a picture of me before I went to get the medicine and here's me...looking all warm and happy inside the house...

And here is me out in the snow....

I find it hilarious how distraught I look!

To fill in the blanks in this story:
Yes, I did get my medicine and am feeling better now. And I didn't get the bus cause it costs too much nowadays!

"Car Cat"

Oh, dear Car Cat
What do you look at?
It's certainly not me
Maybe that tree?
Or is it a bush?

Either way,
I'm calling foul play
Cause you won't even look at me

I'm taking your photo for god sake,
And I know you're awake!
I can see your eyes open
And that slight grin
Cause you know I'm standing here
Waiting for you to look at me

And why not sit on the grass?!
Or is that car...
Stuck to your...
...
...something.

by Laura D

I saw Car Cat today on my travels...maybe I shall see you another day too.

Hello Bunny?

Who is that bunny that is always with Hello Kitty? I never really pay attention to it but now I notice it, I want to know who it is!

I don't know why Hello Kitty is giving me the finger either.

Questions for Laura D

Okay, the reason I'm doing this is there has been many times on various websites where people send me questions and say how fun it'll be to answer them and send it on to the next person. And a lot of times I've said yes....and then not done it. Not because I didn't want to but because I thought "ooh I should do that!" then either forgot or couldn't be bothered. So now I am making up for it by answering all these various questions! And also, this is making up for the times in the future when I'll say I'll do it, then don't. Ahh, anyway...

I'm gonna do this in 2 posts. First I'll answer these questions, written by me and found on various websites. And then you can ask me questions and I'll answer them in the next post. Enough explanation...onto questions!

Coke or Pepsi?
Coke.

Which tv channel do you watch most?
Discovery. But that's not on purpose, it's just where all the good shows are.

What was the last Disney movie you saw at the cinema?
Flubber

What was the FIRST Disney movie you saw at the cinema?
The Lion King

How many sugars do you take in your coffee?
Three thousand

What is your favourite recipe book?
"The Wiseguy Cookbook", written by Henry Hill. ...yes, the real guy from Goodfellas. I'm a tough guy cook!

Get the book nearest your bed, turn to page 47 and write the first 3 words:
"The rain stopped"

What was the last thing you said outloud?
Damn, I wrote these questions a couple days ago and wish I didn't write this one now. I have to give a whole explanation! Plus I didn't think the last thing I said outloud would be a joke! Okay, so I was standing in my room holding a bell, the kind where you hit the top to get the attention of a person behind a counter (don't ask me why I was holding it). Bud walked in my room and said nothing, so I said "You can ring my bell. Ring my bell."

What was the last song you listened to?
"Darn That Dream" by Dinah Washington

Do any non-humans sleep in your bed with you?
Yes, his name is Junior Warmheart. I shall tell you no more, and leave him a mystery...


What was the last game you played?
"Inflate the Panda" on Droid. No way, no how, can you get past level 13. Believe me, I've tried.

What was your favourite song as a child?
"Earth Song" by Michael Jackson. I believe I was 7 or 8 in those days.

What was your favourite Ice Lolly as a child?
Funny Feet, it looked disgusting cause it was the shape of a pink foot with toes and toenails and everything but it tasted amazing! It was just really soft strawberry ice cream on a stick. I don't know how it didn't melt off of the stick.

Get the book nearest your computer, turn to page 30 and write line 4:
Face creams, perfume bottles, shoes, even scissors, depending on the severity of the offense.

Is this the last question?
I think so.

Send me your questions in the comments section of this post or elsewhere, if you know where I am, and I will answer them in random order as I have done with these ones! :D

(I also welcome follow up questions to my own questions!)

This May Be The Creepiest Thing I've Seen On Ebay

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/17-x-Bratz-dolls-girls-and-boys-job-lot-no-feet-/270714046210?pt=UK_Doll_Bears_Dolls_EH&hash=item3f07d08702

...and why do they have no feet?

:( I'm scared.

First time I've ever gotten this message on youtube

"This video contains content from Turner CNN, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds."

I wonder when the day will be when all american videos on all sites will be blocked :(

Details

Does anyone else try to match the colour of their clothes to the hanger they are on? As in, pink shirt on pink hanger. Or is it just me?

Definition of class by Laura D

If you are middle class, you are invited to my dinner party.

If you are working class, you're coming to my house for your tea.

Geisha Girl, Laura D

As many of you who follow my photos know, I have a new costume! I'm a Tokyo Pop Princess!



Now I just have to learn to speak Japanese...damn, why did I learn Mandarin?! Oh, so I can watch things like CJ7 without reading the subtitles. Oh well.

Anyway, I got this costume HERE

I friggin love fancy dress costumes. You people who only dress up at Halloween are weirdos! Okay, I've said my piece...

BTW, look out for a new youtube video coming pretty soon, maybe it'll relate to this somehow... :D
(relate to the costume...not to weirdos!)

Atmosfear - The Harbingers

Anyone else remember this game? (VHS board game)

Bud brought it down from the loft today. In the game you have to write down your fears and put it in this little cauldren thing, so I was expecting to see my fears but they weren't there! As if the game isn't spooky enough without a list of your fears disappearing!

I remember I always used to be "Hellin the Poltergeist", she looks like this:

I was always scared of this game, and quite rightly! The guy on the video who tells you what to do is scary as hell and I didn't enjoy writing down the word "spiders" to put in the cauldren.

When I looked through the whole box today (for the first time in probably 10 years!) I realized, you know what? This game isn't for children! (even though I played it as an 8yr old). For instance, here is the description of the character I would always choose:

Yes, that's right. Quote, "Hellin was an infant trouble-maker who once threw a temper tantrum so violent, it caused an aneurysm in her brain and she died." I do remember wondering if that could actually happen and being scared it would happen to me!

Ahh, anyway...the good old days...pretending you are a dead infant who throws things around the room :D

Well, we only have 2 VHS board games, so it's either play this or play "A Klingon Challenge"



You have no idea how many times I experienced bij. Even when I wasn't playing the game...I would experience BIJ.

Vote for me on Lafango!

http://lafango.com/miss-eworld-2010-beauty-pageant/laura_d

Thank you! :D

For my Valentine

To keep me hyper and awake

Photos!

Just to let you all know, I've been and shall continue to be uploading lots of photos to my flickr and lafango site over the next few days. Be sure to check them out! :D

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lauradmcbryde/

http://lafango.com/laura_d

The Moon

Mark this day down in your diaries, it's the first ever....Laura D....non-rhyming poem!

Get ready...

Here it comes...

"The moon is low

As if trying

To peer in my window

Grabbing my attention

Past the blinds"

And there we have it. As a person who says things with the intention of hearing laughter after I've said them, it was hard not to write at the end of this poem "Eff off moon!" But for now, it is a somewhat serious poem. For now...

Wikipedia

Has anyone else noticed that Wikipedia stole their name from Will Smith?



That's right...wiki wiki wild wild west.

I think Will Smith is owed some royalties!

Yesterday

We had no gas and no electricity and no water in the house. I was freezing, not to mention thirsty! We only had 3 bottles of water so had to conserve it.

I wore about 10 layers of clothes. And still am today btw, since there is still no gas!

Here are some photos I took yesterday...

Bud said it looked romantic with all the candles, I said it looks more like a seance. "If there's anybody there, make a noise." "I think I just heard somethin! I know what I heard!"

Okay, I'll go now and attempt to fry an egg using a bicycle powered hair dryer...

Scarf Dog

I went through the park today but there were no people. Just a lonesome little dog.

But this dog was different from the rest. For it wore a blue checkered scarf. I ran after the dog.

Wanting to know it's secret. How it got it's scarf checkered. Cause I wanted to do the same to mine. 

But the dog got away. 

I've seen many dogs since then but none that dared to wear a scarf.

Written and drawn by Laura D! Yeah boy! Bet you've never heard a more poignant story than that!

Lust, Caution

Stanislavski

One of my favourite books though it's all crinkled, hehe.