The Comet Festival!

So on my way to pick up some cat litter (more on that little nugget tomorrow, oh the excitement! Hold that excitement lest you need some cat litter of your own...don't poop your pants! ...is what I'm saying. I think. ...I'm off track. Let's restart this post...)

So on my way to pick up some cat litter, I stopped of at the Comet Festival. Oh the excitement! Don't poop your pants.

"Fun fair" is a bit of a stretch, though I'm sure they were having fun in the beer tent. ...which is fair enough. I guess it is a fun fair then.

One of the rides, or a ghost house maybe. Anyway I was very fond of the pirate flags atop so I took it's picture.

A giant Mickey Mouse inflatable slide! Mickey always seems to show up at these things. You'd think he'd be too much of a big shot, but there he is, sitting up on high, looking down on all, like the fat cat he is. ...Or big cheese, if you will.

Kid with a super cool Hello Kitty balloon!! I was so jealous I went on a mission to, per chance, purchase one of my own. Turns out it was out of my price range: £3.50. Eff off! I don't have that kind of money! So for £1 I got the toughest, roughest, baddest mofo glitter tattoo they had.

That's right, a disembodied My Little Pony head. You just try not to have that haunt your dreams!!

And then it rained, no, THUNDERSTORMED on my walk home.

But we can't end a blogpost on such a note, so here is a very pretty, if soaked rose in my garden.

What Once Was...

Random Things I Find Interesting - Food Edition

...or RTIFI! hmm, maybe not, that's hard to say and sounds too much like Rafiki. Onto the bullet points!

• The utter outrage I felt upon learning that they changed the name of Micro Chips:

QUICK CHIPS?!!

• When 2 tic tacs become stuck:

 Look at those little scamps!

• Being a lettuce farmer for Hamilton:

 Mmm, fresh as the day it was hoarded.

The Bonkers Brexit Bulletin

I'm sure we've all been receiving these EU in/out leaflets in the post. Yesterday my brother and I recieved one each from the same group. And yet they were different. We were targeted in very different manners. I thought I'd share it with you all. (Keeping in mind we live at the same address and are basically the same age, the only variant is male/female)

Here's the leaflet my brother got:

The front.

(Address is above, I've cut that out.

Don't need this "Marty Lewis" comin' to ma hoose seekin' revenge)

Inside.

A collection of quotes from experts and celebrity types.

The back.

Some good, positive reasons to stay in the EU.

The fold-out poster.

Again, lovely and positive.

Now onto what they sent me...

AAAAAAAARGH!! MY FUTURE IS AT STAKE!

Unless they meant steak...my future is steak? That'd be okay with me.

Also notice how they've printed my name in big letters.

LAURA

To really get my attention. This leaflet is just for me! Yay!

BUT MY FUTURE IS STEAK!! AAAAARGH!

The back.

BIG SCARY LETTERS

Freaky weirdo face.

Farage is gonna speak for me, nooooo!

He's gonna be Ursula and steal my voice :(

The fold-out poster.

....and that's it.

No other info for me. No quotes. No nothin'.

Far be it for me to insinuate that this is sexist, what with the facts and reasoned arguments for my brother and the scare tactics and negative campaigning for me. For all I know they are just well aware of who I am, anxiety disorder et al. and are taking advantage of that. (Like how I used et al there? Am posh noo)

Anyway, full disclosure: I'm voting to remain. And not because of these leaflets, though my hamster thanks the group for the extra bedding.

Random Things I Find Interesting

• The high percentage of smokers that are ALWAYS in the big brother house. It's way higher than the general public. What's going on there?! Maybe so they can punish them by taking away the cigarettes? Who the fork knows.
• When a protestor interrupts a Donald Trump rally, he routinely says "They're professional agitators". Mr Trump, I think YOU'RE the professional agitator.
• Black Jelly Babies. They are the tastiest! Like I've always said, once you go black jelly baby you don't go back jelly baby.
• Hayfeves. That's my cool new word for hayfever. Aw man av got the hayfeves. Full blast. (Full blast is also my cool new phrase.)
• If they had let me join the army when I first applied I'd be a Lieutenant Colonel by now. Lieutenant Colonel Laura D. ...sounds good to me!
• The best part of that "Ring My Bell" song is how it goes on and on about the bell. You can ring my bell. Ring my bell. My bell. Ring my bell.

The Birthday Roundup!

A week since turning 29, here is a (rhyming) photo essay of my birthday. Enjoy!

Feeling cool as Fred Astaire

This new top hat I'll wear

Like the call from a bugle

There's a birthday wish from Google

Breakfast: hyper inducing,

Let's eat that giant cupcake

Then some trick shots and no mistake

Not hyper enough?

 How 'bout a Dolce Gusto coffee pod?

It's like drinking satin,

Then we'll sing like Princess Jasmine

 

Or like Princess Ariel

But like a princess for sure.

I don't care if you're a man,

You're not getting to be Peter Pan

You're a princess

And a wonderful present

I must say

Cause it's practically perfect in every way

The sun is shining

And I feel debonair

Cause today I am cool

Like Mr Fred Astaire